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Thursday, July 28, 2011

Passive Aggressive Behavior

I used to indulge in this quite a lot, although I did not recognize it as such until my ex and I were in marriage counseling. Since we both did it on a fairly regular basis in our youth, there were a lot of mis-communications and misunderstandings; we each thought the other should just know what was wanted. Using magic, I guess, or telepathy. I still do it with the kids some - The Look sometimes works better than words for disciplinary purposes - but I very rarely do it with Laston. Partly this is because I've learned my lesson - but mostly, it's that Laston is completely oblivious to such behavior. If I want results from him, it's better to just grab him by the lapels and put my face between him and his keyboard. Or better yet, send him a note online, with blank spaces for his response. He's never passive-aggressive. As I said, he does not get it.

So this last Sunday, when he was? I didn't recognize it.

I assumed he was just in a bad mood. I mean, that happens to everyone; he hadn't had much sleep the night before, I'm jobless and that scares us both, etc. He was grouchy and although I stated here that he did not guilt-trip me (I was - as usual - doing a fine job of that on my own), it was clear that he was unhappy about something. Until yesterday afternoon (so three days later), when he called his parents to tell them his work schedule had changed (they're coming to town and he wanted to make sure the dates were still okay). The reason he was so gloomy and off-putting Sunday? He thought I wasn't taking his parents' visit seriously enough; the house is still a mess etc. Why did this bother him on Sunday?

He didn't realize until three days later than their visit is scheduled for next week.