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Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Born Every Minute

Smoothie Straws - SUPER-WIDE! Bag of 35. Colorful, Wrapped! 9.5" Long.Yep, that's me. A sucker. Not in the easily-trusting sense, although that can be me too, more so when I was younger. But in the sucking sense. Given a choice, I will always drink from a straw. It just feels right to me. But apparently I actually sucked some stitches loose in my sleep, because they fell out. Yes, again. Stop looking at me like that; I can't help it.

That whole breathing through a hole in your jaw thing? Totally overrated. Also, gross.

So, back to the dentist. Again. Repacked it and sprinkled topical antibiotic on it. Again. Restitched it (back to silk). Again. Then (this is the new part) he put something that smelled nasty - I think it's the dental equivalent of Liquid Bandage - over the stitches and had the assistant melt it on cure it with his itty bitty hair-dryer-looking thing, and then applied the patch material over that. All this as he was scolding me (rightfully so - I took no offense) for not ensuring that "taking it easy" refers to everything physical, not just eating soft foods. I protested ("arhgharnngg!") when he said I shouldn't be lifting things over 30 pounds and then I remembered when my chiropractor (years ago) quoted "Dem Bones". Yeah, yeah, I get it. All connected, over-straining while lifting equals clenching jaw, etc. Apparently the painkillers were working well enough that I was overdoing without realizing. Sort of like I did after both my c-sections.

So I am supposed to take it easy for realz this time. For three days I am supposed to do nothing more physically strenuous than folding laundry, loading the dishwasher and driving the cat to the vet (the cat, with her carrier, probably tops out at nine pounds). Grandma has promised to explain it to Lizzy, Laston and I can explain it to Abby, but it boils down to me being on the dental equivalent of partial bed rest. Sit on the couch, do homework, job hunt online, eat still more Jell-O and applesauce and soup, no carbonation, no drinking straws, nothing too hot, clove oil for pain only after the patch falls off, nothing physically strenuous.

Good News. I've already lost four pounds. Another three days ought to take care of a few more.
Bad News. I canceled this week's game. We can have my famous spaghetti with three kinds of sauce next week.