- Dear Favorite Grocery Delivery Service - if you don't have lamb-for-stew in stock, please take it off the list of available items. I want some for Irish Stew this weekend, and this is the third time I've tried to order it to no avail.
- Dear Deliveryman from Favorite Grocery Delivery Service - I apologize for my preschooler's mouth. It's not that you have dark skin; it's that you have dark skin, are very tall, have a very deep voice, and were wearing black. She said that you were "scawy like Dahth Vader". We are working on this and as long as all four criteria are not met she doesn't seem to have the issue. Again, my apologies.
- Dear Craigslist Job Lister A - I have news for you. Nobody who meets your stringent criteria of a BA in computer science, at least ten years of experience in the field, and availability to work any shift on short notice is going to seriously go for your part time job at minimum wage. You probably should have figured this out last week when you posted the same ad... since you didn't even remember to change the date.
- Dear Craigslist Job Lister B - I have seen this same ad every other week for a year. Perhaps you'd have better luck getting good employees if you changed your pay structure away from "$10-18/per hour, depending on how good you are."
- Dear Mom - I am so glad you're back in town.
- Dear University of Phoenix - you guys have been great, and I'm really enjoying working with you.
- Dear Employers in general. I'm still here! Come get me!
That's all I've got today.