What Can You Do?

Yes, I am still coping better than expected.

But I find that my reactions - fear, concern, amusement, outrage, everything - is exaggerated.

A friend posted a joke on Facebook yesterday ("I was going to post a joke about time travel, but none of you thought it was funny.") and I laughed far, far longer and more than the mild amusement I would feel at any other time would warrant.

Same for irritation with the kids over little things, partly because I didn't initially take into account that they're stressed, too. I checked my privilege. Our school district came out with their Northshore Learns v2.0 yesterday, and I found myself both inordinately pleased that they came up with something at all and completely eye-rolly about the parents who immediately said it isn't enough. Of course it's not enough. But it's what we've got. Check your privilege. I heard someone online yesterday complaining that they couldn't get into urgent care for sunburn and joking (I hope!) that they'd "hafta shoot up the place to get any attention."

I'm usually pretty bad at suffering fools gladly - I can be polite if snarky to them - but right now I just want to bite fools. Or slap them sillier than they already are. But that would take me within six feet. So I'd better not.

Here's the thing:

• No-one is trying to take away your guns. They're trying to keep scared people from shooting other people dead over the last roll of toilet paper at Target. 
• No-one is trying to make you into the main teacher for your child. They're trying to keep everyone from dying, including the teachers.
• No-one is trying to keep you from getting medical care for minor problems. They're trying to keep you from catching something worse.

The current "administration" is an exception to this because their profits trump (pun intended) your health, life, freedom, and education. And a few billionaires who don't give a crap about anyone else. Trickle-down economics doesn't work; all that trickles down to the little guy is crap.

What is it about 'pandemic' and 'emergency' that these folks don't get?

Kious Kelly, Nurse. Dies of
Covid-19 at 31 years of age.

These are odd times, an odd situation.

It's bigger than you. It's not (solely) about you.

I get that you're scared. So am I. But we need to not forget that other people are important too. There are millions of us here. Billions around the world.

Check your privilege.

Coping Better than Anticipated

It's... weird. Surreal? I'm not sure. And your mileage will almost certainly vary; this is just me in my reality and to a lesser extent my daughters as they live in my household with me.

I was quite concerned - although my therapist probably even more so - that I would dip into serious depression (as opposed to my usual low-level depression since Laston's death) while being required strongly urged to keep my asthmatic ass home.

What neither of us realized fully is that - although I'm not an introvert by nature - I've learned a bunch about coping mechanisms safe at home from her and from life in the past few years. So here are the things that make me feel secure / keep me sane right now. Along with my comments 😉

• I still have work; we are doing all our annual classroom training online. Which means I'm still getting paid. And since we're not going anywhere but down the street to pickup locations and spending far less money on just stuff, bills should be easier in April.
• Which totally speaks to privilege, I'm aware. Trying to use my privilege for good, by helping out neighbors and friends (from at least six feet away!) by creating a couple assistance groups/pages, school the kids at home, keep my slice of the internet as upbeat as I can manage, and keep me and mine out of harm's way so we're not using up valuable medical resources.
• My pantry, fruit bowl, fridge, and both freezers are full. So is the baking cupboard so we can make a lot of our own stuff. Friends and family and neighbors who are at lower risk, delivery options, and pickup options - though everyone still out of toilet paper - are key here.
• Many of my local businesses - from grocery to food banks to restaurants - are adding delivery/pickup or stepping up their delivery/pickup options/times. These are considered essential services as they keep folks fed. Even my pharmacy delivers through NimbleRx. And though it doesn't apply to me, Total Wine and More also delivers through Instacart. 😉 Your orders might take a few days longer than usual, but things will eventually be available.
• Joy in the little things. All it cost me was a replacement charger and two little single-snap SnapCircuits ordered online and my 12yo is happily playing with educational toys and personal electronics we haven't used since she was in kindergarten! And it's not like they're all "little kid" things either - just because it's an older form of a handheld console doesn't mean the Nintendo DS is useless; it just means she's old enough to play my old games in addition to the preschool ones she's revisiting.
• MyChart is amazing. I had a non-urgent but important-to-me medical thing, and  I don't want to either take up valuable resources or risk contagion. So I sent my primary care doctor a message through the MyChart app, she sent me a response with a few questions regarding my family history and - after my reply - prescribed what I needed, and is now sending the Rx directly to the pharmacy. I will have a teletherapy session next week.
• Again, privilege, first world country, etc. Even if though our health care system is a gouging piece of shit, we do still have some awesome tech!
• Speaking of, Zoom and other group technology. My children have had virtual field trips, lunch dates, music lessons, and ASL practice in the past week. We have the technology. For instance:
• I can do things like last night's hour-plus audio-and-video conversation with a friend on The Other Side of the Planet on the spur of the moment because neither of us has to be anywhere at any specific time. This was so lovely; I've known him online for at least two years but only spoken to him by voice once before. The same goes for conversations across my very large covered front porch (it's nine feet by twelve) with neighbors.
• I know that Facebook (and by extension, Facebook Messenger) has a huge number of issues, but I treat it as I treat other problematic companies, because there is no ethical consumption of goods OR services under capitalism such as we have it here. Use what's available and block or ignore or discard the rest.
• Over the past several years, I have learned the valuable lesson of letting shit go, not sweating the small stuff, and setting (and keeping!) healthy boundaries. This has assisted in these times in such activities as cleaning out my Facebook friends to folks I actually interact with, 30-day-snoozing Facebook friends I like but can't cope with right now for whatever reason, blocking assholes I only hadn't before because we belonged to the same groups, trying to find the silver linings no matter how small (of which this post is an example), and - when making sarcastic and snarky remarks - punching up instead of down.
• Oh, and as to that last. I had already made a few small memes like "Fluttershy 2020: Beware the Nice Ones," but I discovered a heretofore untapped joy and skill in creating memes for life both online and off in this mess.

Anyway, folks, that's what I've got. My silver linings. And the memes.

Please Stay Safe

I'm not going to lecture here. If you're on social media at all, you'll have seen all the charts and graphs and news stories that say we're low on tests, low on supplies, and low on morale. At least here in the US. Whether you think the federal or state or province or whatever administrations are doing a great job or an awful one, right or left, prepper or peacenik, science or religion or both or neither, I'm not lecturing.

But I am going to appeal to your better nature.

Here's the thing: this is not the seasonal flu. This is a new virus, and while it has similarities to some older ones, it's not the same. We have no immunities.

The powers that be in my state haven't required sheltering in place, although they've strongly suggested social distancing, closed the schools, closed recreation except for takeout. I think they were hoping they didn't have to, but this last week has proven them wrong. I doubt my governor - Inslee - wants to officially suspend our right to assemble, or he would have done it already. But a lot of people aren't listening to common sense.

It's all well and good to take an unexpected week off work and school with nice weather and go out in it, but people are gathering in groups. The beaches - and it's Washington State, so even with nice weather those beaches are damn cold in March - are crowded. The hiking trails have too many people to keep six feet away from other hikers. The grocery stores are still packed. Places that sell guns and ammo are running out; I guess their customers are concerned that others will steal their supplies, or maybe they're planning on backing up that right to assemble with force. I don't know. But there are a lot of people out there congregating in groups, indoors and out, endangering themselves and others.

Now, I'm not talking about the folks working in essential services like emergency services or grocery delivery or medical personnel. These people are risking their own health to keep the rest of us supplied. Good for them. Tip them well where allowed.

And I understand that mental health is not too great right now, and for a lot of people, beachcombing or hiking or just connecting with nature is helpful for that, especially in the springtime after a wet Seattle winter. I like it too. And goodness knows I could use the vitamin D. But I stay in my own neighborhood or car and I stay away from folks not in my household. And I send the kids to the mailbox armed with disinfecting wipes.

It's okay to be afraid and anxious and nervous and angry about this. And the need to share that emotion with others is strong. That's valid. I get it. Try to do it by phone or online. Or shout it from across the street. Whatever works at a safe distance.

But please, for the sake of whatever is your personal belief system, please stay away when you can.

Your life may depend on it. Or the lives of your loved ones.

(Is It) Spring or Is It Virus?

Don't worry. It's spring, at least for me and mine. But the phrase keeps circling through my head to the tune of "There! Right There! (Gay or European)"? from Legally Blonde.

Here's the thing, though: if people do go out in public - even at a reasonable distance - they're getting dirty looks if they cough or wheeze or sneeze. Which I do a lot this time of year under normal circumstances, because of hay fever and allergy-triggered asthma. This is scary because wheezing, cough, and sniffles are normal for me when The Pollens are out to play. So I'm staying home as much as possible, and only going out if there's something that must be done but Abby can't do. Like pick up medication. Or booze.

And I'm an extrovert who wants to be with people and doing things and out in the world in the process. And the fact that the US epicenter of this whole mess is in and around the hospital where Lizzy was born and Laston died, well... let's just say that adds a certain wistful twist to the metaphorical knife this is putting in our equally metaphorical bellies right now.

That said, all this social distancing and handwashing means that I have not gotten my usual round of Assorted Viruses on Top of Allergies That Complicate Into Bronchitis. Yay! And my neighbors and friends, as always, are awesome... just today, for instance, a friend braved Costco and brought me fresh fruit and a Caesar salad kit. Another just texted me and said she was going to the store and did I need anything. And there's lots of places I didn't even know delivered! Even if they're all out of important things like Lysol and toilet paper.

Now, on to the more odd / OutOfTheMouthsOfGamersBabes / day-to-day that is our new normal. And a new normal that is a moving target, at that.


Dishwasher - yes, the replacement one - isn't draining. So I took its insides apart and found a broken chain from the tea ball, with a truly alarming amount of long brown/red/blue-black hair, and general slime attached to it, all in the drain. Okay, cleared all that out and bailed it out and ran it on rinse-only. There is still some water in the bottom, though less of it and it's cleaner this time. Took the dishwasher out from under the counter, snapped a picture of its underbelly, and sent it to my friend who installed it (I'd rather they didn't come to look as they're immunocompromised) and they gave me some pointers. The sink it's attached to is not clogged, so that's not the problem. Yep, it's the white hose. Grand; now I have to take the hose off and I dunno... it's too small a diameter for the plumber's snake. I'll figure it out (or handwash dishes) but right now I'd rather have the sanitizing ability (and convenience!) of the dishwasher! (EDIT: Dishwasher is still not draining, though I can tell it is almost definitely the outtake hose. I don’t have the tools to deal so it’s back to hand-washing dishes until it’s both medically advised and financially possible to get a person with tools in. I’ll deal).

In the meantime, here's what's going on at Chez GamersBabes by way of trying to um... unschool, I guess. Like homeschool, but student-directed and not a lot of imposed structure. Our district tried online schooling for a week but there were legal issues with equity for all populations so we're pausing for a week. As a parent of one 'typical' learner and one 'special needs' learner, I feel both sides of this issue. I don't think getting a waiver from the state to avoid servicing a bunch of our most vulnerable students is the answer (as some people have suggested), but neither do I feel that expecting those vulnerable kids to keep up with the mainstream is right. It's a tough question, and my usual Needs of the Many Trekkie philosophy is not working well on it.

The cognitive dissonance is strong here.

So my kids and I are doing this: On weekdays I'm requiring an hour of 'academics' (reading, online tools, that nifty virtual field trip they took to Blarney Castle on St Patrick's Day, etc) in the morning. Then an hour of 'creative' (lots of different things here) in the afternoons. Some outside/movement time, and some household chores. They're both taking music lessons once a week, over Zoom.

And lots of Choose Your Own Adventure Everything, from food to entertainment.

Abby is reading, drawing, baking, watching anime, and singing. Nothing new there, but she is having a little bit of a hard time - in spite of being the least phone-centered of our household - because she's a social child who is used to having her school friends on tap on weekdays. She does pretty well in self-scheduling, and she's getting caught up on things she hasn't had a lot of time for. She's great at finding ways to amuse herself (and often Lizzy). And man, these brownies are awesome.

Lizzy needs rather more structure and predictability in her day. She's eggshell-fine - so although she's generally okay she's having trouble self-regulating emotions. Can't find the missing puzzle piece? Stomp off in a huff while shouting that it's all stupid instead of asking for help. This is her normal (and sometimes mine - see the rant above about the dishwasher) so I'm just reminding the whole family that we're all a little touchy this week. Her academics are currently a mix of Snap Circuits Jr (the replacement missing piece and manual are on their way), reading, and assorted little science experiments ("Mom! Look at this magnet and what it does to these paper clips!). Her creative time is practicing piano, doing jigsaw puzzles, and assembling LEGO BrickHeadz.

They play board games together, Abby and I watch anime, and Lizzy and I play Final Fantasy.

Family time after dinner is mostly Abby and I introducing Lizzy to the wonders of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Because it's always a good time to have hope for the future.

Now! Back to dishwasher repair!

The Times, They Are a-Changin'

And yet, the more things change... well, you know the rest.

Our school district - yes, the one I work for but am not working at the moment because of the below - is on Day Five of closure and Day Three of distance learning. We're doing it all online, except as noted below. There are links to give your opinion or ask for help or volunteer all over the www.nsd.org website, so I'm not going to include those here.

• Of the 23,500 students, 16% are free or reduced-cost lunch recipients, and my more robust fellow bus drivers (I'm basically healthy, but considered high risk as I'm asthmatic) are delivering lunches prepared by some of our awesome food services staff. 
• There are problems with adults working and needing childcare as although we are their parents, we aren't as a whole trained to be their teachers past preschool age (click the link)
• There are issues with SpEd students not getting (some or most of) their services as some of them can't do the thing online because they need more hands-on support by trained professionals - see above re: childcare - (click the link)
• The district was able to get tech out - chrome books and even hotspots - to those who needed it

All of these things are being addressed but it’s slow going, and parents are stressed to the max, especially, from what I see, parents of SpEd students, and parents of elementary students. I'm fully aware that as challenging as Lizzy can be, I'm lucky she's still easier to teach than kids who are used to having at least two trained adults to themselves all day at school! Not to mention that my two are old enough to stay home alone, Abby can help Lizzy with math, Lizzy can help Abby with spelling, and they get along well most of the time.

It’s not great, but it’s not terrible either. It's early days yet. And most importantly to most of us, the kids aren’t carrying Covid-19 home.

Our Superintendent of Schools for NSD is awesome. I want to be her when I grow up.

Snoozed and/or blocked (on Facebook) otherwise-respectable folks over the following in the past couple days - they're not all coronavirus/Covid-19-specific, but I think that the third one is politicians trying to take advantage of a panicked population:

• People who shy away from Asian folks or food because of Covid-19 or who make “jokes” about these things. Racist AF.
• People who assert that “only sick/old/immunocompromised/otherwise unhealthy people get this.” So? Ableist (and ageist) AF.
• People who believe asshole politicians who are carefully quoting out of context to convince you that your kindergartners are being indoctrinated into teh gay. I guess? Read the actual bill instead. Homophobic and transphobic AF
• People who don’t bother with hygiene when out or vaccinations (yes, I *know* there is no vaccine for Covid-19; but we can’t trust you to do the right thing for the rest of us). Irresponsible and selfish AF.

Now, you may ask, what am I doing about this? I'll tell you. 

I'm not exposing my vulnerable asthmatic lungs to the general public and thereby risking overloading our already screwed up health care system - such as it is with insurance companies in charge as I am intensely aware since Laston's death - with one more patient. Lizzy has one parent left; I'm not risking this  I am accomplishing this by:

• Ordering groceries and other necessities online and either having them delivered or picking them up outside the grocery store. Then I'm not handling icky cash and I'm only dealing with one person at a time instead of a store-full.
• Doing a lot of cooking at home instead of going out. 
• If I have to go out, I'm staying in the car as much as possible. Drive-thru is my friend.
• Same for other things; I don't want to hang out in public and get a haircut or color, so we're using Overtone hair dye/conditioner at home. I'm not qualified to cut
• Supervising schoolwork in the cloud for my two.
• Incorporating (even more than usual) day-to-day "lessons." Today we're making beer bread and beer bottle chicken (using Corona beer because we freaking can).
• Listening to WHO; I trust the CDC themselves, but I feel they are being hampered by the Con-men in Chief and their cronies. So I'm taking what the CDC says with a grain of purple unicorn-sweat salt dried under the full moon by a flock of virgin camel-bears.

Basically, what I'm trying to say here is that we need to be empathetic to each other. I see some parents who cheer for our school district's choices (I think they're great but I see the problems) without taking into account that this is not easy-breezy for everyone. I see those for whom it is hard (for many reasons) having no patience left for the folks who do have it easier. I see every extreme from panicked buying of toilet paper to the don't-care-until-I-get-sick group. 

I'm not trying to tone police here, or I'm tone policing everyone, I guess.

I just want to get through this with minimal loss of life and sanity.

Be kind to each other.

Please.