The Little Things Redux

Not quite as much fun as this post about the little things.

But similar.

So the big things are taken care of. Rent, mortgage (I rent the land and own the house), utilities, insurance, groceries, even gas. These are all paid up to date as needed. The little things not so much.

I'm out of dishwasher pods (cooking at home to save money uses a lot of dishes, even with the Instant Pot. And my Instant Pot is huge).

Netflix is out until I can pay them, thereby changing my bill cycle to a more reasonable date (like closer to the first of the month). But Abby and I will have to forgo what they lampshaded as the "attractive yet non-threatening racially diverse cast of a CW show," (around 50 seconds into that linked video) until the first or second of the month.

It's cool. We have other viewing options. But it's messing with the flow of our superheroic angst fest.

Lizzy will be fine. She has YouTube videos of kid-friendly folks playing MineCraft and doing DIY projects with their fingernails and It's Okay to Be Smart.

On the other hand, due to a temporary water outage over the weekend, I have started a Facebook page for people who live in my neighborhood. It's more efficient than a phone tree, and when a pipe bursts (we're not sure why, but it's been raining a lot even by Seattle springtime standards, so maybe some support or other was washed away?) it's nice to be able to tell the whole neighborhood. The landlord's office thinks it's a great idea, too, which made me feel good (my mom suggested it, but I implemented).

Some of the little things, both good and bad, are not so little.

I still don't have an answer on my appeal to the Unemployment folks. And apparently it's a slow job day at my temp agency. It's not a federal holiday (though the kids are off school because the first semester ended Friday), so I'm not sure what's up with that. Still applying to all appropriate jobs though.

Abby a) gets to do another work-study program at Studio East (effectively assistant camp counselor for mid-winter break camp), therefore mitigating the cost of b) her tuition to them for Into the Woods (the call backs for which are tonight), assuming she gets in. This was a tough one; 90 kids auditioned for 38-40 roles. We shall see, but in the meantime, Abby's a little bit on tenterhooks. If she doesn't get into the Woods (heaven forfend), it will help pay for other tuition there; the credits don't expire until she ages out.

We love it there.

As anyone who has ever read my blog or my Facebook page knows.

Oh, also, cookies. Digital Cookie is my new best friend. Just click on the link, and you can pay by credit card to buy cookies and have them shipped, buy them and have them delivered by Miz Liz, or donate boxes to Operation Cookie Drop in her name. Plus, the video is super cute.

If you want to order the old-fashioned way, send me an email.

Fallout

Warning: This post will sound whiny.

And it probably is.

Because it's about a death in the family. Not death itself, but the ways in which death affects the family, even nearly a year and a half later.

So yes, whiny.

Here's the thing; when death is new, the survivors are so caught up in grief - and numb with it - that basic life skills kind of go by the wayside.

I'm not talking about making stupid mistakes at work, though as they only occurred after Laston's death, I'm sure it was a contributing factor. I did it; I'll own it. And I'm not talking about the inability to cope altogether; that's a separate issue that - thank goodness - did not really happen to me for long.

No, here I'm talking about things like sleep, and keeping track of bills and other papers, and comfort behaviors getting out of hand.

These things are getting better.

But I look back when circumstances force the issue and... well, it's not pretty.

I don't know where my social security card is, for instance; the last time I remember seeing it was when I applied for death benefits for the kids. This makes it difficult to get hired (legally) anywhere, and as I don't have a passport and I haven't seen my birth certificate in even longer than my social security card, it'll be a few more days even though I have a job offer at a staffing agency. My mom might have a copy of my birth certificate, but I have a vague recollection of her giving it to me back in the day.

That's really the problem, more than anything else; just about everything is a vague recollection. And since I'm not working, and I'm waiting on an appeal to the denial of unemployment benefits, I'm kind of in limbo.

Then there is sleep. I'm sleeping better than I was. Even Lizzy is sleeping better than she was (though that's not saying much; Lizzy's never been a good sleeper. I'm told this is very common in children with autism, high-functioning or otherwise). I imagine that this is part of the reason for the vagueness of recollection as well; sleep deprivation over the course of two-plus years, that I'm only just in the last couple months coming out of, is not conducive to thinking well.

Comfort habits could be worse, of course. For me, the worst of these is eating. Duh. I wouldn't be on Weight Watchers if I didn't comfort eat. I wouldn't need to. But there are other comfort-y things that are just fine. I've rediscovered a number of old Big Fish Games (mostly Hidden Object), and even a couple of SNES games. Replaying Final Fantasy VI (the PlayStation port) by myself and Super Mario World on SNES with Abby is pretty hilarious stuff as a rule.

And I already own these, so they're free to play, right?

Anyway, the whole point of this blog is to write it out so I no longer feel so whiny.

I have achieved that.

It's That Time Again!

Last year our song was "Do You Wanna Buy Some Cookies?"

But Frozen is old hat now.  These days Lizzy prefers Moana, Coco, and Trolls, in that order.

So this year, we bring you "You're Welcome!"

Cookie style.

The scansion limps a bit; cookie names do not always fit well into the rhyme scheme.

But starting at midnight (local time), Friday, January 19th, 2018, cookie pre-orders (or Operation Cookie Drop or cash donations if you prefer) are set to go! I'll publish a link to Lizzy's Digital Cookie site sometime tomorrow.

You're welcome.

(And thank you!)

The Good, the Bad, and the Facebook

For the past four days, I have been recounting the Good News and the Bad News on Facebook. Just whatever is happening that day.

It includes things like the head cold Lizzy and I both have (bad) and the Really Good Chili I made (good) in spite of having to concoct my own chili powder (bad). Also, hey, getting fresh air and exercise (good)... the little day-to-day.

Not included are things like continuing joblessness (except anything new that happens, like particularly great connections on LinkedIn (good), or the UI peeps denying my claim (bad)).

The Good outweighs the Bad. And I'm trying to keep it that way, if only in mindset. Mindset is key.

Sorry folks, short post. But you get the idea.

To Resolve or Not to Resolve

And the answer is... not to resolve. Because here's the thing. Resolutions tend to be all or nothing. For me that sort of thinking leads to guilt (or maybe it's shame) if I don't succeed. And then I'm back in that vicious cycle of what Weight Watchers calls 'eating my emotions' and it all gets very ugly.

So instead of resolutions, I have goals this year.

The three big ones here are lose weight, get a 'forever job,' and avoid the Curse of Mom Leaving Town. (Click the link, seriously).

1) Weight. Yes, I know. And I may have better luck in the latest and greatest version of Weight Watchers Smart Points, because eggs and seafood and white meat poultry are zero points. I still have quite a bit of salmon and some hard boiled eggs left over from yesterday's Game Day too. Blue Dots can be achieved (my WW friends will understand that bit). And honestly, I have had so many fewer headaches and general malaise since leaving AT&T that I really think meeting, say, my step goals each day is possible. Stretch goal? I'm going to say 40 pounds in 2017.

2) Work. It's not working itself that causes me so much stress and the attendant headaches. But if you've read this blog for any length of time you know that my last job - although much enjoyed - was a major stress-bomb for me. Compassion fatigue, corporate politics, and quite honestly, probably an association with my late husband there. It was a very unhappy place for me for the past several months. So... I'd prefer something where I can use my degree in Intercultural Communications for more than customer small talk, where I can help people with more than their data speed, and with reasonable pay and schedule. I'm getting too old and tired for customer care. Ping me. Stretch goal: $60K a year, part-time telecommute.

3) Curse. There's not much I can do myself for this one except think positive and not allow myself to panic if something goes wrong when mom is not here. But it's been almost three years since her usual visit to her sister and we're stable enough now that she can go without feeling like she's failing us somehow. Stretch goal: Something positive will happen while she's gone! Perhaps I'll get my dream job (see number two) with a start date of the day after she gets back or something.

Loins girded, goals set. I've got this!