...is a vicious cycle.
It also goes both ways.
I've talked before about my temporary introversion since Laston's death; normally I gain energy from being with other people but here lately I find other people - even those with whom I am totally comfortable, like the kids or my mom - emotionally exhausting to be around. I love the people we had over for Halloween snacks and trick-or-treating, but first one after his death, and introversion, and I was done awfully quickly; it might have been a good thing that Halloween was a school night after all. All I wanted was to sleep.
And then I couldn't, of course; I was too wired.
This is normal, regardless of the stage of grief; the instinct is to hunker down and protect oneself, but also stay aware of the potential dangers around.
So I've been getting headaches almost every day for almost three months. It doesn't seem to matter whether or what I've eaten, whether I'm at work or home or other, and how much (water or caffeine) I've drunk. Most days anywhere between 11AM and 2PM I get a headache.
I have tried getting more sleep, because I'm sure that's part of it. That's not working so well. Tried staying hydrated, going with coffee or tea or herbal infusions. No change. And of course the lack of sleep makes the headaches (and the my-brain-is-slow) worse, and vice versa. (And the lovely people who keep pointing out that marijuana is legal in my state? Thanks, but I'm not there yet).
Yesterday the headache was so bad (with sound-and-light-sensitivity and mild nausea), and so early in the day (like when I got up at quarter to six) that I called in sick and went back to bed. Caffeine, Tylenol, Advil, sleep: the headache was down to bearable by about six PM, when the girls got home (thanks, Grandma).
Still had it this morning, although more like last night than yesterday morning, and of course I didn't sleep well, either because of the pain or because I slept most of the day yesterday, or both. Or the usual suspects of stress and depression and anxiety and Election of Doom 2016.
I had a massage scheduled for today though (it's my day off) and she erased the last of that pain for me. I have another scheduled for a week from Friday.
Maybe I need them more often, so I can have less pain, and sleep better, and therefore be a more productive human being.
My insurance doesn't cover massage (although it does cover grief counseling), so I can only afford those massages every so often.
But it's kind of amazing how much lighter I feel, physically and mentally, since my massage of earlier today.