Vent or Rant or Rave or... Whatever

I need to write.

A bitmoji of a chubby brunette-with-grey
 woman in blue and rainbow tie-dye, writing
using a pencil that is taller than she is.

It's been over a month since I last wrote in on this page, mostly because I'm severely limiting social media for my own mental health. I have set an hour-per-day limit on my iPhone's Facebook app, and although I can certainly browse on my desktop, this computer is quite slow, even with its new RAM.

I planned it that way when my old PC went Tango Uniform, because then I am more likely to use it for work and writing, and also do less doomscrolling. 

Again, for my mental health.

It's pretty good right now, especially considering the existential dread acquired from living in the USA these days (even though I have a lot of US Citizen English-speaking CisHet White Privilege) and Fucking August. My doctor says I have moved from Survival Mode into Living Mode. My therapist says I have reached mental health milestones regarding things like parenting and boundaries.

These are Good Things.

But they won't stay that way unless I keep working at them. One of my favorite ways to do this is to write, and I have had little success in finding a writing gig this summer.

So here we are.

Now, mind you, I have said all these things on Facebook, but generally in a post-and-run format once a day, in order to avoid doomscrolling. Lots of this post may be repeat stuff. You have been warned.

Shut up, Grammarly; this is basically my diary and does not have to sound professional or confident. It's for me, and you need to calm tf down.

So, aside from writing, what am I doing?

I'm planning (or helping plan) Lizzy's 18th birthday party. It involves a lot of homemade decorations and food, a cake ordered from a local grocery, and a few very close friends at an Airbnb a few cities away.

I'm playing video games.

I'm still applying to side gigs, even though there are a lot of people with way more technical knowledge and experience than I have getting laid off from tech companies this summer. Some of these folks can write well, too, and so they are getting the jobs. I don't begrudge them this; it's not their fault that their employers care more about money than people. I just wish that someone would hire me for what amounts to remote entry-level data entry or something. Just so I have something to do that can earn a little money, as it would be better than nothing. And it has to be legit, please. Most of the hits I've gotten are either entirely sketchy or the people (or bots) have clearly not read my requirements. I don't do sales, I will not train AI to sound more human, and there are a half-dozen companies I refuse to work for due to Capitalist Hellscape Reasons.

Speaking of income, it sure would be nice if I could get hold of the SSA to find out whether they received the extension paperwork (children on survivor benefits can receive these benefits after they turn 18, as long as they're still in K-12) the second time I filed it (because they didn't get the first batch). I can look it up on the website, but that only shows the next payment, not whether the extension was approved.

I'm learning to bead. Lizzy taught me the method she uses for what she calls "flat panels," and I have been calling them "those little beaded tapestries." She made me a TARDIS one for Mother's Day. It's fun, and it's kind of meditative, and if I'm not great at finishing rows (she helps), I'll get there eventually.

I'm working on physical fitness/weight loss by ramping up my assorted apps to more intense and longer workouts (I never moved up from the beginner sessions I was doing) and by working on portion control and sleep hygiene. I've been doing this on and off for decades, and I know what to do, what works for me, and what doesn't, but I've never kept to it long enough to see more than the quick results one gets at the beginning. But now that I'm in Living Mode instead of Surviving Mode, maybe it will be easier. I have also (with the doc's approval) stopped certain medications for which one of the side effects is weight gain.

I've been reading a lot of old favorites (as long as I don't remember whodunnit) and I'm finding some of the Agatha Christie written between 1914 and 1950 more than a little prophetic as regards things like creeping fascism and the tendency of some people to believe that they and they alone can save their country. Usually by being fascist pricks, demonizing people with differences of any kind, and believing alllll the propaganda.

Gotta remember that "meet them where they are" is not only a motto for special education or parenting, but also for things like my knees and my mental health. Knowing that should help. As an example, if my arthritic left knee is being a literal pain, I can meet that where it is by going easy on the weight-bearing exercise and heavy on the analgesic cream, you know? It doesn't mean I have to avoid exercise entirely, get out of the habit, and have to start over.. 

Anyway, as writing-to-distract goes, this one has been fruitful, even with assorted references to the awfulness going on right now. Mission accomplished, I guess.