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Sunday, February 12, 2017

Good Days, Bad Days

I'm doing better in general.

Some of this is the Great Cleanathon of 2017; any of you who follow me on Facebook are well aware of this project. It has had the effect of making this house belong to me and the girls, with bits of Laston's character here and there; before it was Laston's and my house, with him missing.

Some of it is the widows' support group, although I've only been a few times. I'm not going this week either; there's a transgender awareness seminar at my local high school I want to attend instead. One of the effects of Doing Better in General is that I have more emotional energy for issues that are important to me. LGBTQ+ rights and awareness are - if you've ever read my blog you know this already - one of those issues.

However, because this sort of thing is so politicized these days - God forbid the RNC should actually practice the Minding Their Own Business they used to - that I can hardly stand to be on places like Facebook. There's so much awful going on, and that sort of thing can lead to Bad Days for me.

In the grand scheme of things, my Bad Days are nothing. I'm not getting deported, for instance, or beaten up in the street or depressed to the point of self-harm. I'm only constantly worried about money, and depressed for other reasons (like grief and winter, although the latter is better now that I have started a new schedule that a) gets me to work after the sun comes up, and b) netted me a window seat). And today because of a massive allergy attack a couple days ago (spider bite), I have the aftereffects of Too Much Medication too. Nothing big in comparison to people I know and love.

But for me, they're still Bad Days.

The good thing is that out of 43 days so far this year, I have had seven Bad Days. That's, well, about one day a week that are Bad Days on average. And that's a huge improvement over just a couple of months ago.

So all I need to do is get some more money (wanna buy a book?), get my taxes done (scheduled for Tuesday) so I can hopefully build some kind of buffer/cushion, and try to fake it 'til I make it some more.

And get a couple of epically asshatty strangers reported on Facebook. I can't do it from the app; it seems that Facebook's report-this-post link is broken in the app. I wonder why...

I got this.

I think.