Neurotype is Not the Same as Mental Health

A cartoon of me, a chubby fair-skinned
brunette with grey, wearing a blue top,
cuffed jeans, and bunny slippers,
balancing on a ball while juggling three
balls of assorted colors. 

Well, that sounds very heavy, doesn't it? 

But here lately I've seen a number of people attempting to excuse famous (rich, white, and (usually) male) people for their racism or transphobia or general assholery on the grounds that they are autistic or traumatized and essentially saying "they can't help it, the poor dears; it's a mental health issue." 

I dunno - I'm autistic and ADHD and certainly traumatized, and I'm able to not be a raging jerk most of the time. My younger daughter is diagnosed as autistic - of the flavor they used to call Aspergers but don't anymore - and ADHD and while she is often a jerk, she's also an adolescent. And a traumatized one at that, given that her father died when she was eight and she's lived through this mess of a pandemic year boots on the ground, so to speak. Certain tech giant types or famous authors are grown adults who have the resources to insulate themselves from that stuff and should've learned better by now.

Trauma is a mental health issue.

Neurodiversity is not.

Oh, don't get me wrong, they're intertwined and hard to separate. But they are not the same thing. My mental health is pretty okay at the moment - so sayeth my therapist - and so when my mom asks me if I'm okay because I seem "a little agitated or blue," I don't immediately jump to the conclusion that I'm being attacked and get all defensive. Because my mental health isn't bad at the moment. And so when mom texted me with that question, I realized immediately that it was a "honey, your ADHD is acting up" kind of message, rather than a "what the hell are you thinking?!" kind of message.

Thanks, Mom.

And when my mom says my ADHD is acting up, it means I need to make a list. Of which she reminded me, because it's a coping strategy so I don't get even more overwhelmed and activate the mental health issue of anxiety overmuch. 

Now, I make lists all the time; as I said, it's a coping strategy. But they're usually pretty basic - like  Monday: Abby school, Lizzy school, mom work, garbage day, pay bills.

When my momma texts me with Concerns, I know I need to be more specific, with times as well as dates, more details as to what I'm doing when, etc. Especially right now, because the end of the school year is nigh for Liz, and Abby graduates high school (!) on Wednesday, and there are just SO MANY THINGS going on, most of which are not the usual round of Abby school, Lizzy school, mom work, garbage day, pay bills.

So yes, between all that up there, my late husband's birthday last week, Fathers' Day coming up for the same reason, etc., yes, I am a wee bit "agitated and blue."

But my mental health is good enough right now that I can override the executive dysfunction involved in making a more detailed list; I'm not depressed on top of the usual issues caused by ADHD and so forth. 

This does not mean, for instance, that I have the executive function required to properly clean my house from top to bottom (and there's another thing to thank Mom for - she's hosting Abby's tiny graduation party consisting of vaxxed relatives except the one kid too young for it), but I do have the executive function to put small housecleaning tasks on the list. Because - again - not depressed on top of All The Things going on right now.

(Evidently, I also lack the executive function to shut up when I've said the same thing three different ways in the last two paragraphs. I'll just leave this here to remind myself).

Anyway, back to the Neuro vs. Mental Health thing.

Being autistic - or any other number of neurodivergent quirks - does not automatically doom one to a life of unfeeling asshattery. It may be harder for autistics to "read" people, or to empathize with strangers, but that's not the same thing. And as with most stereotypes, the stereotype is super harmful, inaccurate to the vast majority of us, and often used to excuse abject asshattery, especially in people with power. 

I mean, if I started, say, repeatedly poking you in the arm with a sharp fingernail, would you excuse me with "she can't help it, poor thing," because I'm female? Widowed? Fat? White?

No, you probably wouldn't. Although you might try to ascertain if any of those things were affecting me in the moment, especially the widowed one. That's a mental health issue.

So why would you excuse my behavior because I'm autistic?

Or would you not bother to investigate at all - just brush me off as an asshole - because I'm not the head of a tech giant, with more money than God? Or a famous author or actor or celebrity?

Food for thought.

Now, please excuse me, while I go add "Costco run for the grad party with Mom" to 8:40 AM Monday to my list.