That is, I think, why I'm not writing as frequently as I used to. I can only rant about the same damn stuff our government (or the upper echelons of my employer) are doing so much (or I get angrier). I can only talk about my grief and depression so often (or I get more depressed). The kids are (thank Google) in something approaching a routine, and they're getting old enough that "gamers' babes" isn't all that accurate anymore (and there's a fair bit of "don't post that!" now, as well).
So this post? It's a summation of the past month. Some of it may be news to you, some may be not.
I have (re)discovered sleep. Sleep is my new deity; it's the best thing ever, and it's no wonder I was completely, utterly depressed/anxious/sick all the time before I started sleeping well again. It has most likely been that I was on high alert all through Laston's illness and after his death. That's two years of two-to-four hours of sleep a night, folks; this is not healthy. Even this last week, although I was ill with a sinus infection, I wasn't completely exhausted on top of it, and that made all the difference in the world. It helps with all other things, my eating habits, my exercise habits, less shouting at the children, fewer anxiety attacks/bouts of depression, you name it. I didn't even get my ah... monthly migraine this month. I'll get even more consistent rest once 'Twas the Night rehearsals are over (Abby and Lizzy are in Cast B, link at the bottom of that web page. Come see it!).
However, 'Twas notwithstanding, there is the never-ending, all-consuming problem of Money, or more specifically, Work. I've said it before; I love my coworkers (including local management), I enjoy my job (though I have to say that this has been a very stressful autumn), and I even like working for AT&T. What I don't care for is the ridiculous way in which the upper management folks in charge of negotiating our new contract think of us. Do they really think we're so stupid we don't see what they're doing? They keep doing these booster kind of things for morale, but I wonder, if they took the money (these are pretty high production values) they put into the cheerleading videos and plowed it into the people who work for them instead, wouldn't that be more of a boost to morale than yet another t-shirt?
And I'm not talking about the off-shore and out-sourced folks either; I'm sure they deserve jobs too. But they're cheaper and less consistently trained (based on the number of mistakes they make that we fix every day), and therefore AT&T thinks... what? that the people who actually work for the company should forgo cost-of-living raises and decent healthcare/PTO (because I used up all my paid time off earlier this year because of severe depression due to my husband's death, that sinus infection - two and a half days of fever - went unpaid), and fix the outsourcers' mistakes for less? We've been working without a contract for ten months. And AT&T has already tried to make an end run around the negotiating team by speaking to the union members directly. While this may not be illegal, it is certainly not adhering to the spirit of the negotiations, and seems to be unethical to me.
Let me explain this simply, AT&T: you're doing yourself no favors by pocketing extra cash for the shareholders and spending money on boosterism. That money could be far better spent on your actual workers; we'd be a lot more loyal and have higher morale. Quit emulating the federal government; you are a classic example of how trickle-down economics doesn't work. Think about it.
Now, on to happier things, and back to 'Twas.
Abby (who is nearly fifteen, if you can believe it) achieved her goal of a major role with its own song by the end of the year, playing Vixen the Reindeer. Lizzy has her first Big Kid role as a caroler. Now Vixen is a... well, she's kind of a shallow, spoiled brat (Abby is playing her as being that way because she's insecure, which I enjoy).
But my teenager is not shallow, spoiled, or bratty, at least not any more than any 14-year-old kid. But she's getting more than a little into her role, and sometimes forgets to turn it off. And Lizzy, being her late father's loud, feminine clone, is having her moments as well. I often get to say, "You, stop Vixening! And you, quit putting the ass in Asperger's!"
It's kind of cool that both of them just make faces at me and try to modify the offensive behavior. I haven't had to ask them if they want an Oompa Loompa now, or if they were going to Tosche Station for power converters, for months now. The gimme-gimme is less, the whining is less (except for Lizzy and piano practice), and in general, I think that we, as a family, are beginning to truly heal.
And that's really the important bit. All that up there, the rants about work and politics and all that? They matter.
But what matters most is that we're doing okay.
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