Micro/Macro

I'm writing this at work, between calls, which means that no matter how angry and scared and close-to-panicky I am, I'm keeping it rated PG at worst.

But I'm writing it at work between calls, because if I don't get rid of what I have to say (and I can't say it to customers), I'll end up having that panic attack.

Here's the thing. As far as I can see, our upper management's attitude toward the union demands is very similar to today's vote in Congress and theirs toward the American people at the whole.

As long as the people at the top get theirs, they don't care what happens to the rest of us.

Or worse, they're anticipating getting rid of us so they can have even more for themselves.

Hike up healthcare costs to the employee or take away life-giving services because you don't want to pay for part of them; it's just a matter of degree, really.

Send money overseas to pay for war, or to hire outsourced call centers. Just a matter of degree.

I feel sick.

But maybe I shouldn't admit that here.

After all, who would pay for it?

That is the Question

To strike or not to strike...

Oh, if my union strikes, I will strike with them.

But I don't want to.

Look, AT&T was very good to me during Laston's last illness and in the aftermath. I don't know how much of that was the local management in my call center and how much was corporate. But they were great within the terms of the contract, although more paid bereavement leave would have been really nice; I had already used up all my other paid time off on chemotherapy and hospital visits and the like.

I love the work and the people.

And I am too old - and have been in various corners of Corporate America for too long - to be anything but cynical about getting what we want (or at least everything we want) here.

Some of my colleagues and fellow union members are very unhappy with the huge pay differences between the salaries made by the likes of Randall Stephenson and your average call center tech like us. I'm really not. I honestly don't care if the CEO makes a bajillion dollars, as long as I can make enough to support me and the girls, and get us some extras now and then.

I don't expect a bajillion. Considerably more than $35k (before taxes) would be nice though. And I am totally on board with better leave policies, lower health care costs, etc. Especially the latter.

What really bothers me is the hypocrisy of it all. In the same week that we are threatening to strike, we're having mandatory trainings about how we all support each other, how the little customer is just as important as the big one.

Thing is, that as much as these trainings talk about "supporting the internal customer," AT&T as a company doesn't walk that walk. They'll hire offshore, and hey, I'm glad that the offshore hiring means I don't have to work late evenings anymore. And I'm glad some nice folks in other countries have jobs. But I'm pretty sure that's not why AT&T is doing it; they're doing it to save money. They are not supporting their internal customers, you know, the ones who are the front line with customers.

I am tired of being treated like I'm a four-year-old who can't be trusted with paid sick time. I'm just now getting to the stage where I am not in a constant state of devastated despair at the death of my husband (the waves of that are coming fewer and further between, thank you EAP from the last union contract), and I'm having to explain to my nine-year-old that if I work when my coworkers are on strike, they won't be my friends anymore.

So no, I don't want to strike. I'd rather work. But - here's the important bit - I'd rather work for someone who sees me as more than a warm body to fill that chair, who actually gives a crap about me. Jenn. My local management is pretty good about this; they know me. But corporate?

Not so much.

I had a customer just the other day - I fixed a problem another rep had caused - who said, "Well, the rep who made that mistake was in one of those call centers in India or the Philippines. I'm sure they're nice people who need jobs too, but they're messing with your customers. Don't you people have a union?"

Yes, we do.

And we're going to use it if we have to.

Whether we want to or not.

Could've Been Worse

I planned to take today off, as it would have been mine and Laston's tenth wedding anniversary. I could envision myself cracking up entirely at work, like, "Sorry, ma'am, but my husband died of a quick-moving cancer not quite eight months ago, and I really don't give two shits about your data speed."

So I planned today off.

Good thing, too, because I (and Abby) have the Cold from Hell. As in, we didn't even sing along with show tunes on our way up her her dad's house, because we both sound like croaky, nasal frogs. So I was not feeling well physically on top of the likely emotional upset.

Which itself was not as horrible as it could have been. I mean, I'm sure that it has contributed to my catching the CfH, and my irritable bowel is... irritable. But these are fairly minor. I took it easy, drank tea and juice, ate bland food, played video games, and finished my latest cozy mystery. Then I took Abby to her dad's and stopped for a manicure on the way home.

Oh, and made my contribution to tomorrow's Last Day With the Team Potluck. Tortellini Salad, loaded.

On the whole, it's been a much better week than last week was, but then I spent quite a lot of it Being Nice to Myself. This will continue next week, because I have a massage and a facial scheduled for next Friday.

There have been some tears, and one song in the ones we listened to in the car that I could not cope with at all. But in general I (and apparently the girls, although the anniversary is likely less of a thing for them) did pretty well. Now if I can make it through one more ten-hour day (it's been really hard lately), I'll be to eight-hour shifts. That ought to help with maintaining that people-ing energy through an entire workday.

Still don't like it, this exhaustion from being around people. Damn situational introversion.

That said, I think I'm going to plan a Board Game Day around Laston's birthday (early June). Different people, different venue, different situation.

What do you think?

Tale as Old as Time

Gorgeous.

It was beautiful.

The mood reminded me of Into the Woods (the movie version), but the whole production was so very theatrical that Abby and I both wanted to applaud at the end of every musical number.

Gaston is a much better villain in this; he's just as over-the-top as in the animated version, but far more sinister and believable. And both Gaston and Kill the Beast were terrifically well done.

 LaFou was great, Again, over-the-top without being an actual caricature.

Kevin Kline, even as "crazy old Maurice" was priceless. As always.

Emma Watson can sing. Who knew? It might be auto-tuned and all, but still.

The animation for Chip reminded me a bit of BB-8.

Ha! Funny story: Lizzy heard the line from the title song "...barely even friends, then somebody bends, unexpectedly..." and given all the Legend of Korra we've been watching, she made a connection to the word "bends" that was probably not what Menken and Ashman had in mind.

I thoroughly enjoyed it, as well as the rest of the day.

We just did lunch and the movie and some errands, but it was so much better a day than I have had in the past couple weeks.

I think my boss was right; I need some time off (not necessarily from work, although the shorter work days coming up will probably help me), even if it's just a day here and there. Some time when I'm not sick, or taking care of someone else for the entire day, or whatever. None of what we did today had to be done today.

And I think that made all the difference.

Of course Beauty and the Beast (and the Phantom of the Opera, for that matter) always remind me of my favorite of the Greek myths - Hades and Persephone. Oh, you can talk about Stockholm Syndrome and sexism and potential for abuse, but that's not all there is to these types of stories. I knew that even at twelve, 36 years ago, in Mr. Hansen's (he of the pretty blue eyes) seventh grade social studies class.

It's a good story.

A tale as old as time, if you will.

Rough Times

yeah, so it's been a rough few days, for no real reason aside from the obvious. My boss thinks I should take a leave of absence (yeah, no, that would just add stress to the pile; LoA is unpaid leave). I'm already taking this coming Friday off (it would have been Laston's and my tenth wedding anniversary; I don't think I can people) and half days Wednesday and Thursday before it. On the seventh of April I have a spa day planned. I'm hoping that moving to that eight-hour schedule the following week will help.

I'm in counseling but I've only seen her once so far. My supervisor said I should apply for short term disability, which IS (partially) paid, but I'm not sure that depression qualifies, or that it would be good for me to not-people for weeks on end. I see the counselor early next week though, so maybe she can tell me.

I'm not that badly off in the grand scheme of things, but I'm having trouble focusing on work, getting sick way too often (even for me in the springtime), and just generally being out of sorts. Lizzy slams things around; I just tear up at the drop of a hat.

I'm not real fond of having this little control over my own being.

Pity Party Peace Out.

A Whole Month?!

Wow.

It's been a month since I posted last, and what a month it's been! We've had a lot of stuff happening. In no particular order...

Today, a month later, Abby probably has pinkeye. Lizzy has the same crud I had on Saturday (I rather suspected the latter, but a day of fever and what we call "feeling noodley" (as in limp as a noodle) and sleep, followed by general malaise, sounds just like mine). Abby's going to the doctor to check out the potential pinkeye, and I (with the help of some friends online) am trying to view being stuck at home as an opportunity for going makeup-free and braless for the day.

Abby enjoyed her first job (although she found it very tiring to help keep track of a large group of five-to-seven-year-olds for several hours a day), and also had a couple of babysitting nights while that child's big sister and mom were selling cookies with me and Lizzy. She's on her way, folks, and it just may be that her tentative plans (for over two years now) for a double major of Theater Arts and Education are looking viable.

Of course, it wouldn't hurt her to learn to spell before doing a degree in education. To that end, her dad is looking into whether their medical insurance  covers things like testing for dyslexia. If it does, we'll take her to the place where Lizzy got her ADHD and Aspergers (or high-functioning autism spectrum disorder or whatever they're calling it this week) diagnosis (and her pediatric grief counseling). We know them, trust them, and they're handy; what's not to like?

On that note, I've started counseling myself, although I've only had one session so far. I suffer from Mom Disease (also known as Taking Care of the Kids Before Yourself Too Often,) and I have had that forever. Add in what my doctor calls Primary Grief Reaction: Anxiety, and, well, monthly massages just don't cut it on their own. I went to a few meetings of a widows' support group, and they were very nice, but the time and place and commute were very inconvenient for me, and it just wasn't the best fit.

Anyway, we're still swimming, and now with school accommodations and grief counseling and springtime (note the new springy theme,) we have more flotation devices to help keep us up!