Therapy Tomorrow...

A Bitmoji cartoon of a chubby
brunette-with-grey woman
wearing blue and sitting in Lotus

...and boy, do I need it!

I find myself writing blog posts the day before a therapy session more often than not. I guess that the therapy sessions are every fourteen days, but I need some sort of outlet on Day Thirteen? Maybe.

As always, my therapy session will help. And as usual, this blog post will help.

Of course, the things that I need to get out of my system are primarily things that are out of my control anyway - like The World Out There™ - so the therapy (and the blog when I go that direction) would help in any case. When it's The World Out There™ or other things I can't fix, I guess I need assistance in just getting through it, y'know?

But none of the people who do have a more-than-one-vote say in The World Out There™ are listening to the likes of me, and I'm tired of having to say the same damn thing over and over anyway, so this'll be mostly a chatty post, some good, some bad, like that.

I noticed myself getting a bit sad over the past few days, and I thought that maybe it's that I have been not on my antidepressants since March; I weaned myself off them (with my doctor's approval) with the plan of going back on them from October through March, but maybe September 20th is late enough for the winter blues to be in effect?

Probably not.

But Lizzy and I did drive Abby up to school for her final quarter of university today, so maybe I was anticipating that and feeling a little sad thereby.

That said, I'm super proud of her, and she will be graduating in December! So even though we must do without her for a few more months, she is very very likely to move back home after graduation. Of course, she wants (and I want on her behalf) for her to move out and fly, little bird, fly! Be free! 

But not in this economy.

The plan for that (still rather sketchy) is that when the kids are home, working (Lizzy is waiting to hear back from last week's job interview), and out of school (or only doing continuing education for their jobs), they will contribute to rent and also do something else... like grocery staples or car insurance or the phone bill. This should help enormously. I love my job, so much, but it's both part time and seasonal (25-30 hours a week, school year only) so extra from the other (adult! OMG!) inhabitants of the house would be appreciated.

Speaking of my job, I am really enjoying my new crop of students, though I will probably always miss this one little guy from the last two years before this one. I have a hilarious kiddo in the mornings, and while I haven't met all my afternoon students (and my job is rather ad hoc depending on the needs of the population I serve), it's looking to be a nice group of kids.

I was, in fact, a little sad when I started this, and now I'm not. Some of that had to go with Getting It Out There™ (and I have finally memorized the ALT code for ™ after years of looking it up), some being snarky on the internet (regarding a post on Mamdami, I said, "they're Muslims, not Daleks. Calm down") and some to do with hanging out with my other (adult! OMG!) offspring.

But therapy tomorrow (roll credits!) will still be useful.

Link-Heavy Post - I am Okay...

I am not fine, good, well, or all right.

A cartoon drawing of a postcard with
my BitMoji as the stamps and
the caption "I miss you! xoxo"

But I am okay.

So here's the thing. Anyone who reads my blog knows that I am hypersensitive this time of year, as the tenth of August is the (tenth) anniversary of my husband's death (as well as his oldest child's - holy cow - 26th birthday. But that's another post altogether). So that's a lot. The lead-up to it is worse because it's full of "do-you-remembers"? And this week is the anniversary of the day they moved him to end-of-life hospice care (note: there is NO GoFundMe attached to any of the blog posts; that was only for the last couple of months of his life). And when you add All That Out There™, it's more than a lot.

Since the All That Out There™ also includes things like huge swaths of people denigrating SCIENCE (yes, in all caps; he loved it and always wrote it that way), and one of his favorite thinkers going completely off the rails since his death (I keep thinking how disappointed he would've been), it just feels harder than it did last year. Part of that is as I stated here; part is probably that we have even less money than usual (Lizzy has aged out of Social Security survivor's benefits) when everything is even more expensive than usual; and part might even be that ten years is a big, milestone sort of number for just about everything.

I tried to stay off social media for the most part today, because All That Out There™ is especially loud this week, the world (or at least North America) is on fire both literally and figuratively, some folks - or bots or trolls or some combination - seem to be deliberately misunderstanding what I write (especially on Facebook), and in addition to my own issues, I have some friends and family also dealing with several aspects of All That Out There™.

So, since it is a lot, and while I didn't stay off social media as a whole, I did manage to stay on the slightly fluffier cutesy side of Facebook for the most part.

I mean, there are still good things happening. I've (deliberately!) lost 19 pounds in 12 weeks. Lizzy has graduated from high school (I'm so proud of her). Abby is doing what she loves for a living (or it will be for a living once she finishes school in December). Aside from the Fuck August of it all, we are doing - as a household - okay. We would be all the way to fine, good, well, or even all right if it wasn't for the lack of funds and the All That Out There™. And the Fuck August. And I do have a therapy session on Monday (yeah, Monday the tenth, the actual anniversary, just for the added angst) after which I should be more than okay. So...

Having gotten all that out of my system, I do feel somewhat better. I've done what I can (performed my Social Justice Bard duties, voted, did some self-care (writing it out, yoga/meditation, and physically taking care of myself), and given myself some grace where the angst is concerned.

So, if you haven't already clicked alllll those links, please do. Some are sad posts (for similar reasons to this one), but some are really funny. Maybe it'll help, at least a little.

It helped me to write them, after all.

Irritation

Bitmoji of my cartoon face as an
anthropomorphic salt shaker, because
I'm feeling salty today.

Random (mostly political) irritations this week include...

Asshats (whether flesh-and-blood or bot is immaterial) making wild statements like, "weLL, I gUEss it'S oK fOr a wHIte gUy 2 pLaY Black Panther, thEn!" No, you unmitigated buffoon, Black Panther's race is integral to his character and hugely important to the story. Helen of Troy's is not.

Even if we're going for "historical accuracy" (for a story including cyclopes and other non-human characters, but let's just say we're casting people who at least look Greek), Greece at the time the story is set had all sorts of trade and other relationships with Northern African people, and the character y'all have lost your mind about was hatched from an egg.

Also - historically - the Greeks were super gay.

If you absolute numb-nuts didn't know Elliot Page's former name and status, none of you would even have blinked at his casting. After all, he's fair-skinned, which seems to be the main factor behind most things the Gated Rat and his ilk say and do.

Speaking of that utter twonk, I'm still pissed about him using Grok as the name for his AI. He doesn't grok it. At all. If he did, he wouldn't be... well, all this.

I am also still annoyed that Grammarly keeps telling me ways "to sound more professional." This is my blog, you sorry excuse for an actual useful service. I just need you to shut up and catch my typographical errors. That's it.

Yertle is either dead or incapacitated, and either way, evidently wanted/wants to make the world as unfair and unpleasant as possible, even after his death/incapacitation. Why? Just hatefulness? It's not like you can take your ill-gotten gains with you.

Mister, of course all your favorite people (at least those that aren't you yourself) ran "the election" in Arizona. It was a Republican primary, you complete nincompoop.

LinkedIn, it's not "Easy Apply" if there are six hundred hoops to jump through/you have to do complicated things on the company's website as well as on LinkedIn's Easy Apply. No, I don't want to switch jobs, but I could really use some supplemental remote (or hyperlocal) work because my main job is seasonal and part-time.

On that note, all the job boards - including the ones aimed directly at me - evidently either ignore my filters for remote and part-time, or don't crack down on employers using inaccurate SEO terms in their listings.

If I had money to subscribe to your job-hunting service, I wouldn't be looking for work, would I? It's the same vibe as bank fees for overdrafts.

I'm irritable today (in case you hadn't noticed). I'm not feeling great and I can't tell if it's the usual existential dread or summer allergies or what, which just makes me more cranky. Hmph.

I mean, at least I had fun using insulting phrases in this post, I guess?

How Many Times?

A BitMoji cartoon of a brunette
with grey woman with a thought
bubble that is only scribbles

That is, how many times must we say it?

This (link-heavy) post is a collection of random thoughts and feelings and expressions of incredulity regarding the US government in 2026. I know they're not listening, and I know I've said most of it before - both here and on Vocal - but if even one person gets a clue from what I write, then I've done my good deed for the day.

And probably got some of this absurdity out of my brain. It's not good for my mental health to keep it all in there, and writing it out helps me stop turning it over and over in my head.

They can say it out loud on television, and some people still don't see it.

Or maybe they just don't care.

It would be funny in its ridiculousness if it weren't so dangerous.

The guy in charge of Health and Human Services is an antivaxxing eugenicist who thinks that neurodivergent folks should be put away somewhere. Given that he comes from a family that lobotomized and institutionalized one of their own, and that other members of his family did awesome things (like starting what evolved into the Special Olympics) with that, it makes me wonder what the hell happened to him. Maybe it was the snorting drugs off toilet seats.

Speaking of Weird Health Thoughts™, his buddy over at the Department of Defense (I try really hard not to deadname, but there are a few things like Department of War, Gulf of America, and Twitter that I don't... well, I just don't try very hard) has made a couple of Extra Weird™ ones lately. He made flu shots voluntary for the troops, which meant a bunch of them... wait for it because I'm sure you'll be surprised... got the flu. And now he wants to test all "troops" over 30 for low testosterone.

I think I sprained my eyes from rolling them so hard. Partly because he's so clearly a mess, but mostly because I know people who have always been fairly reasonable - and my definition of reasonable is fairly broad - who still think this is a good idea.

Those same people (remember, they used to be reasonable people, but I'm not naming names) apparently think that Himself can do no wrong... in spite of multi-million dollar penalties for sexual assault, being banned from running charities in at least one state, and gilding everything in sight. Obviously a lot of them are bots... but the ones I know live and in person are not. How can they still believe this shit?

"All libs do is complain and support groomers." 

Bullshit. First of all, I'm pretty far to the left of being "a lib,' secondly, the "groomers" aren't who you asshats think they are, and thirdly, I have very little say in all this. Yeah, I have the power (insofar as any member of the working poor citizenry does) to make changes. But it's not as simple as it sounds.

Anyway, nothing but the details of each atrocity and distraction is new... still same old same old, but honestly, what in the actual fuck.

Random June 2026

A BitMoji cartoon of a brunette
with grey woman with a thought
bubble that is only scribbles

Tried to start this post yesterday after work, but I was Too Damn Tired™. The end of the school year is always like that. Also, the world is a mess, what with trigger-happy cops applying instant death penalty (of a literal infant) for alleged shoplifting on the part of his mother, Himself declaring Himself the queen of the may after losing a war he started for no reason except boredom and self-indulgence (and distraction, but that's pretty much the case with everything he does), and all the rest of That Out There™. Plus, Lizzy not only got her usual head cold after the school year was over, but somehow also pulled a back muscle a few days before her summer job starts.

It's been a lot. But sleeping for almost nine hours last night helped.

So this is gonna be a random post of randomness, impressions and statements both political and non-, and a vent/rant/rave about all the things. And yeah, Grammarly can still bite me; this is my blog with my personal, conversational, and casual writing style. Cope.

I'm really going to miss my work kiddos. I mean, I always do, but this one pair of siblings I've had for two school years now, and the elder just graduated, and I don't know if the younger kid will stay in our district now. That said, most of my work kiddos say the wildest things all the time, I have a talent for relaying those comments, and my work bestie and I are going to officially compile cute things they say/do from all the drivers we can get to participate. Then we'll make a slideshow presentation at some work meeting or another at the end of next school year. I love a project just for the feel-good vibes.

Lizzy graduated from high school! My sister-in-law made fun signs of Lizzy's face for us to wave, I had a cake with her school logo and, "Congratulations Lizzy," on it, my mom hosted a little family graduation party, my dad took Lizzy and her school bestie to a favorite venue the next day at her request, and a good time was had by all (in spite of the year-end cold and the pulled muscle a few days later).

Abby graduates from college this December, and we have agreed that although it would've been nice to be done in June as originally planned (theater and education class credits don't play nice, schedule-wise), probably none of us could've managed two graduations in one weekend. It was an utterly bonkers schedule that weekend as it was!

I'm enjoying "bonkers" as a word choice these days.

Regarding Kids Say The Darndest Things, I had one teen student tell me that the Tesla Cybertruck looks like it wanted to be a spaceship but forgot how. So true.

Aside from helping family with their online pursuits, I'm not working this summer (unless I can find something remote for a few weeks), so I intend to spend the time while the kids are at their summer jobs working on my house and my body. If I can actually get an exercise routine going for long enough for it to become routine, I can keep it going after my work schedule ramps up in late August/early September.

"Pride is a sin!" Yeah, well, so is Wrath, but you seem awfully mad about it." I've used this a couple times this week and it felt good.

At the moment, that's all I've got. And here I was thinking that would be so hard yesterday afternoon.

Runs in the Family - WARNING: outdated jargon ahead

A gradient rainbow infinity symbol with white text reading,
"Why light it up blue... When we have a whole spectrum?"

I mean, of course it does. Anyone who trusts the science (or even basic logic) over Google University/Random Influencers/Autism (but not Autistic) Moms/Geriatric Addict Lawyers Cosplaying Doctors knows this. It's genetic, not the result of Tylenol use or vaccines or diet or (God help us) Wi-Fi signals.

In any case, I have here in my hot little hands what my youngest daughter calls "Mom's Half an Autism Diagnosis." I have reread it several times in the last four-plus decades, but this is the first time I've actually perused the accompanying documents, like the denial of special education services (or even assessments!) from the school district, and the letters between my parents and the school district.

It makes me so sad for thirteen-year-old Jenn.

And it still makes my mother both sad and furious about how Things Could Have Been Better if the district had accommodated any of my needs. Even now, 44 years later. Forty-four years later when both my kids went through this same school district with (ultimately, though it took some support for Lizzy) positive outcomes (my oldest graduated in 2021, even with the Covid BS, and my youngest graduates officially in about two-and-a-half weeks), and this school district is even my employer, albeit in a non-academic role.

To be absolutely fair, this testing and exchange of letters was in 1982, when if you had anything other than high support needs, what we now call Level 2 or 3 autism, or if you had massive intellectual disabilities concurrent with autism or ADHD, they didn't really have a way to do that in public schools, especially for girls, since most of them thought it was a boy thing. The laws regarding started changing in 1975, but those of us with "insufficient handicapping conditions" (ugh, what a phrase! But I warned you in the blog post title) fell through the cracks in a lot of ways until the 90s, when the Education for All Handicapped Children (EHA) act was renamed to the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). There were contained classrooms, there was the alternative high school (but that was only for the "troublemakers" back then, and I wasn't hurting anyone or smoking or using drugs or getting pregnant or anything), and there was mainstream. 

Things are much, much better now. Which made my mom cry out of sheer relief when she attended Lizzy's IEPs with me after Laston's death. I tended to mist up as well, but I wasn't aware of all the ramifications when I was the student in question, so it didn't hit me quite as hard when it was my own child under discussion. And (as stated), it's a lot better now.

But the fact that they had a letter from a child psychologist saying I needed assessment and they refused to assess... well, to me that's just a dick move. I'm sure it had to do with money - everything in our society seems to - but how can you be in a special education profession and just basically say, "too bad, so sad, we think she's just being a drama queen because she's a teenager and her parents are divorced?"

So the psychologist said I had some learning issues, the schools refused to test me based on my grades (pretty solid B student through 7th grade, which they found "interesting" in that they thought I just acted out then, instead of coming to the logical (and true) conclusion that I hit algebra and my brain came to a screeching halt), so my dad took me to get a full neuropsychological workup. The results of this were basically that I was intelligent but hyperactive with learning disabilities, especially in sequencing and in more abstract math. My dad sent a letter to the district with these results (the letter is a thing of beauty; between this letter and my mom's ability to write super polite notes in which she (very sweetly) tells you to stick it, you can tell that I come by my writing skill honestly), and they agreed to assess me... but I don't really remember what happened after that, except that I had a tutor for math.

I have said before that my diagnosis is something like, "hyperactive with learning disabilities and sequencing deficits" but that if you put mine (from 1982) together with my daughter's "ASD Level one and ADHD Inattentive Type" (from 2017), they are close to identical, save for updated language.

Anyway, the whole point of this post is to show that things have improved, are improving... even though in the frustrations of the moment that's kind of hard to see.

Because that's an important thing to remember... especially as we're all close to burnout near the end of any given school year.