The Hits Just Keep Coming...

Teal Ribbon for Anxiety

...and I'm not even in the crosshairs (yet).

Note: euphemisms and pronouns without referents used below are to keep myself from being shadowbanned by the algo.

I'm having a very high-anxiety day, and I would say it's for no particular reason, but the reasons (or triggers) are so obvious as to be laughable.

That is, they'd be laughable if they weren't also fucking terrifying.

"If you've done nothing wrong, you have nothing to worry about," say the sycophantic bootlickers. Except that "nothing wrong" changes on a whim, usually daily, sometimes hourly. I imagine they'd consider this post to be "something wrong," since I'm not fawning over the batshit lunacy coming out of The Other Washington through Truth Social or Twitter. Excuse me, "through X." I'm pretty good with preferred names and pronouns, but that one I struggle with.

And those who "finally see what he is" because of a single racist post, what in the actual fuck? Sanctioned killings weren't enough for you? How about all the atrocities on That One Island™? Grabbing another country's oil and selling it for personal gain? No? I mean, I guess I'm glad you finally get it, at least to some extent. But for fuck's sake, people.

"But Obummer deported..." or "But Obama bombed..." Yes. He did. That was bad, too. But he's not the one in power now, and he was subject to ridiculous amounts of scrutiny over things like a tan suit or his wife's bare shoulders. And he doesn't, even now, have the kind of fan club that forgives all - or declares there's nothing to forgive - no matter how outrageous.

Andplusalso, the "oh, but he didn't make it, he just reposted it" folks can take a flying leap. That's not actually better, you know, that the putative leader of the country/"free world" (it's clearly not) didn't make a racist meme; he just shared it.

Not.

Better.

This person has the power to obliterate most of the life on the planet, is clearly losing his marbles (whether due to age or illness or whatever is immaterial), and that's on top of his already massive, petulant, and racist egomania. But y'all are okay with that? Because he hates all the right people, is that correct?

Just checking.

I would also like to smack all the people I see smugly saying things like, "Of course the kids are protesting, anything to get out of school!" or "Yeah, they're only protesting because their teachers have indoctrinated them into woke ideology. You wouldn't see our kids protesting!"

My dude, you guys tried to get one of our high school principals fired because he stated on his personal Instagram that common sense gun laws could've saved Charlie Kirk. Your kids were out there protesting every damn day because you feared a professional might treat them differently if he knew their parents were gun nuts proponents of the Second Amendment. Which he would not have, because he is, in fact, a professional who just wants to keep students safe. But maybe that's because - after a famous MN murder - you think the 2A  (and the first) only applies to you.

Those kids out there protesting? Yeah, I imagine a few are seeing it as a Get Out of School Free Card, because they're humans. But from what I have seen, most of them are just teenagers who have been encouraged to actually think rather than parrot. Shocking, I know. But some of them - most of them, I hope - have that pesky condition known as Empathy for People Not Just Like Them. Maybe they see more clearly than some of their elders.

Because y'know what? I know people who are afraid to go to the grocery store. Not because they have done anything wrong. Not because they are undocumented. But simply because they might be perceived as such, due to darker skin or an accent. 

As stated above, I'm not in the crosshairs (yet). Because I am a cishet, white, native-born, English-speaking person. Of course, I'm also fat, female, politically progressive, neurodivergent, ethnically Jewish, a single parent, work with disenfranchised people, try to behave decently with everyone (regardless of their gender, sexuality, color, national origin, etc.), and so very tired of the firehose of awfulness. 

So that could change.

Writing this out usually makes me feel better, except for that time almost a year ago. And today, evidently, though it could still happen.

SSDD...BW

A pale hand, doing thumbs down

 That's Same Shit Different Day...But Worse

Click the link. You might see my point.

Or you might not, especially if you believe in what He Himself (I'm not naming him; we all know who we're talking about here) called "alternative facts."

The ICE guy didn't "fear for his life," and he didn't have "internal bleeding" unless it was just a bruise. If he legit did fear for his life, then he was a) poorly trained, and b) not over the trauma of being dragged by a car six months previously. He should not have been there.

The ICE guys today - with their "Like Call of Duty, cool huh?" - bullshit. Normal people - like me, for instance - can leave their video games on the console where they belong. These assholes just see terrorizing, shooting, and killing real people as another game. I guess that it's not fun for them unless there's real blood and guts. 

He Himself has said out loud he's picking on blue states and areas. He has said he loves the poorly educated. He has said he could shoot someone in public and his fans wouldn't even blink. He's right, although I can't understand how you people are so gullible. How you can dismiss "grab by the pussy" as "locker room talk" while simultaneously praising Himself for truth-telling, I do not grok.

"But Obummer deported even more!" Yeah. Legally, fairly nonviolently, and actually going for people who broke more laws than just being here, which is a misdemeanor and a civil matter in the first place. The ICEholes right now are going after anyone who "looks illegal" (by which they almost certainly mean not someone who passes as a cishet white allegedly-Christian male), or who so much as looks at them crosseyed, apparently just for fun.

I would bet most of them are just Proud Boys with bigger guns. Read that link, too.

It does make sense, I guess. You can't expect real adult men to follow He Himself, as he started out as Veruca Salt and is deteriorating rapidly.

Has Mexico paid for that wall yet? No? Shocker.

I believe in people over profit, but I guess that's too hard for some of you to fathom. 

It's my Anxiety

I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). 

We know this, but in my experience (mild for most of my life, mild-to-moderate since my husband's death in 2016), an anxiety episode has either had a definite trigger - like a particularly severe asthma attack or driving on icy hills - or it's that low-level constant dread that seems to be part of trying to be a decent human being in Today's America. Or volcanoes in movies, or trying to make that damn lightning-assisted leap in the Inazuma region of Genshin Impact, but again, those are general, vague, and pretty mild.

As a rule, I can deal with it on my own, with things like the Calm app, deep breathing, and so forth. In the winter, it's paired with our old friend Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), and I take a low dose of an antidepressant at bedtime in the winter. Usually, I'm fine, if a bit hand-wringy as a self-soothing mechanism.

But today, my supervisor texted me while I was out with a pair of students, and, like a responsible driver, I waited until I was parked at their bus stop and they were on their way into their house before I read it. It only asked if I could come see her when I got back to base, so I responded with, "Yes. Is everything OK?"

Then I started back to base.

And then... then I worried.

Had I done something wrong? Did I go too fast in a school zone? Neither of my morning students was there today, and maybe one of their parents called to complain that I hadn't waited long enough. The boss hasn't responded. What if it's terrible and she doesn't want to say anything over text? Or nothing in writing at all, because it's that bad. Did I stop long enough at that red light before turning?

Mind you, I know in my forebrain that everything is fine, and there's almost certainly nothing I did wrong. Still, my hindbrain was being an asshole and overriding that, plus my forebrain was busy Driving Safely at Dusk, so it couldn't argue with its asshole cousin hindbrain. So I'm okay, but that asshole part of my brain is working itself into a frenzy.

Grand.

I got back to base and went into my supervisor's office, and she was appalled that I had gotten upset because it was a simple scheduling issue.

Of course it was.

But try to tell Asshole Hindbrain that. He's not listening.

Anyway, worked it out with my boss, texted my therapist to tell her I have a topic for our next session, had dinner with my younger kiddo, and started writing it out while she was in the shower. And now I'm fine.

At least I recognized it, so the next time I start spiraling like that, maybe Forebrain can successfully tell Hindbrain to STFU.

Random Thoughts December 22, 2025

So Lizzy broke a couple of the nails she had done last week, so she peeled the rest off. I loved mine, but they were too long for me to type, pop can tops, pull up my socks, etc. Therefore, we went in and had them edited today. The results are in the pic. It's s slightly brighter red than last time, with smaller sparkles, no snowflakes.

"There is no timeline for grief," but even so, it's usually longer than a couple of minutes, followed by a world tour. She says, snarkily. I wonder who among my readers may be offended by that observation (I do post the blog to everyone and then share it to my friends list), and if they're offended, who they think I could possibly be speaking of.

Full offense intended.

I'm looking forward to Christmas simply because it's a nice, quiet affair now that the kids are older and so on. Or maybe the fact that Lizzy begins Christmas at 12:01 AM on November 1st simply makes it seem quiet by comparison.

Why yes, there are more important things going on right now than my quiet, homegrown Christmas. I'm aware of these things, of course, but I have made a conscious decision (aided and abetted by my therapist) to help where I can, and then escape from All That Out There™ by way of logging off. This is especially important for me during the two weeks before and after the Winter Solstice (yesterday morning in my hemisphere) when there is Extra Super Duper Hibernation Mode™ happening for me.

Yes, it's Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), aka seasonal depression, and I also use other aids to help with it, like my fancy sun-mimicking lamp and vitamin D and actual antidepressant medication, but I still basically want to sleep for those four weeks.

Come to think of it, pretty nails (and massages for relaxation) may also be treatment for such things, in a self-care sort of way. Even my Calm app may, for the same reason. And new hair ties, and this little spa set that my Secret Pal got me, etc. Okay, that means I'm doing the self-care recommended while not even realizing it until just now. 

Go me.

Anyway, nothing much has changed recently, but I'm getting into writing it out again, so here we are.

Random Thoughts, December 14 2025

Four fingers with sparkly dark red gel polish
 and a snowflake on the ring finger

How do they not see it? Or maybe they don't care, as long as they've got theirs. That does seem to be the pattern.

We're at that point in the ongoing crisis in my country (it seems cyclical), when I'm snoozing even people I like and/or agree with on social media, because I can only take so much outrage before I need to go suck my thumb in a corner.

Speaking of thumbs...

Why, yes, my daughter did get me a pre-holiday full set of acrylic nails with sparkly dark red gel polish and snowflakes on my ring fingers for an early Christmas present. The thumbs are done, too, but none are in the picture.

I forgot how hard it is to type with nails that extend past my fingertips, as it's been years since I've had them this long.

Actually, I forgot how hard it is to wrap gifts, rub my eyes, roll my socks up my legs, and pop open a can of seltzer water with nails that extend past my fingertips.

People who would rather snipe about taxes than actually respond to requests for help during unprecedented flooding in my area make me want to slap them. Of course, I'd have to get within six feet (these people, in my experience, are also generally antivax and antimask), and I might accidentally gouge one of their eyes out with these nails, so I'll have to content myself with helping those in need and merely fantasizing about slapping the selfish assholes instead.

Wow, my skin looks extra super dry in that picture up there. Must use extra lotion.

Tomorrow is Accessory Day at my workplace. Hanging with bus drivers in reindeer hats and light-up garland necklaces is always a fun time.

I'm sure glad Abby made it home for the holidays before the flooding started in earnest. The area between her school and our house is pretty wrecked.

I'm also glad that my workplace is collecting warm coats and the like, in addition to the food drive.

Must wrap the last gift for my Secret Pal for this quarter. Should've done it when I had all the stuff out for the kids' gifts this morning.

While I was writing this, Lizzy announced a charley horse in her right calf and we looked up the origin (unknown but likely from 1880s baseball slang comparing players' leg cramps to old horses), and she is both amused and slightly annoyed by the fact that the treatment I recommended (a banana and hydration) actually is the approved treatment.

That's all I've got this morning.

Tech and the Student in 2025

Bitmoji cartoon of a brunette-with-grey
woman wearing a doubtful expression
with the caption "ummmm..."

I participated in a Facebook post this morning about how the more tech we have in schools, the less well students perform. 

I had a few thoughts. 

More than a few, actually, and it got so long I thought it would make a decent-length blog post, refreshingly not (primarily) about the horrific things my government and their lackeys are doing. I'm pretty pro-tech, having worked in the industry, and I also believe that content is more important than time spent. Not to mention the irony inherent in complaining about technology on Facebook, of all platforms.

So here goes (expanded somewhat from the initial response).

~~~~

I suspect (from observation as a former student, current parent of a high school senior and a college senior, techie, all-around geek, intercultural communications graduate (online, no less), and McKinney-Vento driver for my school district) that it's several things.

• The tech: sure. It came very fast, and it's very engaging/distracting. It has its good points, like easy access to information or the ability to communicate in ways we haven't before or spell check, and its bad points, like easy access to misinformation, internet bot trolls, and Grammarly nagging me about sounding more professional on my personal blog 🙄. Most of the other bad and/or inappropriate stuff is blocked on school devices by district IT departments. And also the tech was aided and abetted by...
• The pandemic: yep. The surge to techify wasn't out of nowhere; if we wanted them to have school at all, it was through this medium. We required teachers and students to do it the technological way, and then when it was (mostly) safe to come back into the buildings, we expected everything - including the kids - to revert seamlessly. Even those kids who started school over Zoom. And also...
• The performance: this too. If we're expecting identical performance output when the method of input has changed, that's highly unlikely to happen (case in point: the loss of cursive in much of GenZ and Gen Alpha), as well as...
• The disconnect: the way it's traditionally been done does not work for everyone, and yet here we are, refusing to change with the times. The tech is here. We can't just stuff it back into Pandora's Box at this point.

So here's the thing. I believe the tech is here to stay, and we can try to go back to the old ways all we want to; it may work in small pockets, but it's not the be-all and end-all. There's a difference between tradition and stagnation. How many people, even in my generation (X), were ever required to, say, diagram a sentence? The only time I've seen that was in literature set in the 19th century or earlier. We have regained some older skills, and let others slide, and that's... well, it's evolution, really. Progression. 

It's not intrinsically bad. Like most things, it's the way in which it's used.