You Can't Always Get What You Want

Some of my peers are hugely dissatisfied. 

With everything, really.

And if they aren't currently dissatisfied with something, you can be sure they will find something to be dissatisfied with. Like private businesses enforcing mask-wearing on their premises even though the governor has been bullied into saying it's okay now. Or the fact that healthcare and schools and public transit still require them. Or that we don't have in-building learning for as many hours a week as our neighboring districts. As though butts in seats in a school building is the only useful criterion for learning.

Look, folks, my kids hated distance learning, too, and they aren't particularly good at it, either. As per their usual, Abby coped and Liz complained, but they both made it this far. And although Liz is having issues even during hybrid - she has gone a bit (more) feral, lol - they are still doing okay. I like to think that this is because I was focused on how to help them cope (see below) more than I was on who to complain to and about to get things "back to normal." Normal wasn't great either.

They will get through this.

They have been through worse.

But there are a number of my peers who are so focused on their kids not having The Perfect High School Experience (or Perfect Middle School Experience, or whatever) that they are behaving poorly to other people. This is, of course, their perception of The Perfect School Experience, which is probably only loosely connected to reality even when we were not in the midst of a global pandemic.

I didn't have The Perfect School Experience.

Did you?

And if not (and I understand wanting your kids to have it easier and better than you did) why on earth do you think that the usual round of sports and dances and teenage drama as seen in the movies is The Perfect School Experience?

These people have actually threatened people, doxxed people, and tried to get people fired for not providing (their expectation of what should be) The Perfect School Experience during a global pandemic.

This is not how rational people behave.

Nor is it how ethical, moral, or reasonable people behave.

I mean, I understand vaccine hesitancy, especially when people have been bombarded with incorrect (and also correct-but-rapidly-changing) information. It's too new, or it's a different kind of vaccine, or it has a scary acronym in it that sounds vaguely like DNA, or they didn't test it long enough... these reactions I understand. I don't agree, but I can understand. Change is hard and scary and real. And that's okay.

But the people who will use those scary bits of misinformation and combine them with reluctance to mask up? Or count heads and determine acceptable losses in their own minds? Or think that death is the only bad outcome? Or even lie about their vaccination status? Those people scare me.

I've heard horror stories, too.

There are people who claim to be vaccinated so they don't have to wear masks in public spaces. They are liars.

There are people who claim to be vaccinated so they don't have to wear masks in private spaces, like their clients' homes and businesses. They are liars.

There are people who proudly say that they are not vaccinated, they won't wear a mask, and you can't make them, nanny nanny boo boo. At least they are honest.

There are somewhat more reasonable people, of course, who are uncomfortable with vaccination but are willing to mask, stay out of public spaces, and stay away from people as needed.

The thing is, though, our governor saying, "You don't have to wear the mask in most public spaces (excluding healthcare, schools, and public transit) if you have been fully vaccinated plus two weeks waiting period," is not the same thing as "Masks off, everyone!" 

And yes, I do still trust the science. I don't trust people who grasp every opportunity to willfully misinterpret it as "I do what I want."

And most businesses where people (usually other customers, not business owners) are being assholes about those of us playing it safe and wearing our masks are not public spaces in any case. The majority of them are private businesses that can still kick you out if you refuse to mask up.

And that is their right.

And honestly, their responsibility.

Maybe that's what it comes down to; people want their rights but are unwilling to behave responsibly. Duty is a thing too.

Me?

A picrew cartoon of me, a pale woman with green
eyes, brown hair with grey streaks, and 
a blue shirt & grey cardigan, wearing a
neurodivergent rainbow infinity button.

I'll be here at home when I'm not working, helping my kids with their homework, keeping them occupied by indulging their arts and crafts and online interests (Lizzy taught me to use Picrew today!), and staying away from people when I can.

And when I can't stay away? Like when I go to Abby's high school graduation ceremony? I'm going to wear the mask my friend Sharon is making me. 

I trust science.

I don't trust YOU.

It's Not Always About That

A cartoon of me, a fair-skinned, brunette-with-grey
person, wearing blue and sitting at a table with
a microphone and a coffee cup. The caption reads,
"HEAR ME OUT."

This post may cost me if I don't phrase it just right. So if I don't, and you feel defensive, take a break, take a breath, and try again later.

Because this may come across as controversial. 

Not that I'm any stranger to that in the past several years.

So here goes...

~~~~~~~~~~

It's not always about your pet thing.

Is it often about your pet thing? Yes. If your pet thing is racism, or misogyny, or transphobia, or ableism, or some other injustice in the world, then yes. It is often about your pet thing.

Maybe even usually.

But not always.

Certainly not always, or usually or even often if your pet thing is about some random conspiracy that has been disproven time and time again but you still believe. :cough:takingourguns:cough:

You may have heard a phrase something like, "if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail..." and I think that's a common cognitive bias in play for a lot of us. I include myself; I'm not immune.

And of course, we can try to be intersectional (more about that in the link below) but we all still have our pet priorities. Not to mention that with as much injustice as we see and/or experience, especially as interconnected as we are these days, sometimes we need a break from the constant unrelenting outrageous things happening for our own mental health. And that's okay, as long as we get back in there and fight the good fight once we've regrouped.

All the pet things are different, of course. All the -isms and -phobias and miso- this and that... I've talked about this before, just over four years ago, but I like to think that I've refined my views somewhat, grown, and gained more perspective. And I've gotten an inkling into how this seems to other people, especially when speaking with 13yo Liz, because she's, well, thirteen. 

So when she makes a blanket statement, like "My teachers should know this thing because they're teachers," she isn't always taking into account that a) teachers are human and therefore fallible, and b) they may have been taught differently themselves and don't know the latest research... it's developmentally appropriate for her to think that way. 

When full-grown adults do it, notsomuch.

This is how we get conspiracy theories of the type that suggest - say - that Apollo 11 never landed on the moon and if you show evidence then they say it was planted by shadowy figures whose sole purpose is to confuse the general populace. For an equally shadowy unknown reason, I suppose.

In any case, I'm really really tired of the assertion that all things are a spectrum, except for this one thing which is inviolate (and may change over time to an equally inviolate thing) and if you argue the point you're somehow the enemy. 

There is a reason I keep my mouth shut on certain subjects; it's so I don't alienate people with whom I agree on most issues, but I have a more moderate stance on their one pet topic, about which they are often rabid. 

There's that protecting-my-own-mental-health thing again, I suppose. I value my relationships with these people overall more than I do "being right."

But it sure is tiring.

Country Roads

Cartoon of a fair-skinned, green-eyed,
brunette-and-grey-haired smiling
woman wearing a blue top and bunny
slippers, playing a black grand piano
with a single rose in a bud vase.

So Miz Liz has been doing the Take Care of Mom thing all day (Abby, too, but she was also doing her and my mom's usual Sunday afternoon TV-together thing).

Liz wanted to go for a drive after dinner, to listen to The Devil Went Down to Georgia on the surround sound I have in my van, it being one of the few "countryesque" songs she likes, "like, unironically, Mom."

So we did so, after she made a playlist called "Those countryesque songs I like, plus a few parody ones I'll add later."

These consisted of the aforementioned The Devil Went Down to Georgia, Honey I'm Good, Grandma's Feather Bed, Timber (Featuring Ke$ha), and Faster Car. 

Naturally, I have a rather larger repertoire of country-songs-I-enjoy-unironically than Liz does; I'm 52 to her 13. So after we were done with this playlist, still several songs away from home, we tried Kenny Rogers' The Gambler (which she pronounced to be "a bop" and was suitably impressed that The Gambler had gone out in his sleep as he'd wished) and Ghost Riders in the Sky (which I explained that a character of mine in a Mage: The Ascension game had once used to summon The Wild Hunt).

So we're much closer to home now, and we have time for one more song. I ask her if she's heard about the meme going around Tumblr (and therefore Reddit and Pinterest and so forth) about the titular character from Piano Man playing in a gay bar, primarily because of Paul the Real Estate Novelist and Davy who's still in the Navy. She hasn't, but she's interested, so we listen to that.

Those last three have now been (unironically) added to her playlist. Achy Breaky Heart didn't make the cut.

It was a nice, chill sort of weekend for this Mom.

A Handy Friend is a Friend Indeed

Okay, folks, buckle up. This is a picture-heavy post and you may want to view it on something that's not a mobile device. Also, it's about a local company but they're so great I want to share them far and wide.

They're that awesome.

So you may know that I live in what is popularly called a mobile home, although the correct term is manufactured home. Most of these are made - that is to say, manufactured - in a factory somewhere and then moved (hence "mobile") to wherever they're going to spend their lives. So they are typically made with lighter weight materials than "stick-built" homes so they can be moved after manufacture.

One of these lighter materials is pressboard subflooring. Which consists of sawdust and glue pressed into sheets.

Now, pressboard subflooring is fine, as long as it stays dry, no termites, etc. It's not ideal for building, but it's a lot lighter weight to move than 1400 square feet of one-inch plywood. So as mentioned, it's typical in manufactured homes, and up to code.

But then you get a leak (we're not sure from what, as it evidently started well before Laston's death in 2016), and that pressboard... just disintegrates. And then you have what is essentially linoleum over bare support joists - no subflooring.

This is dangerous.

So the floor needs replacing, and as quickly as can be easily managed at that. 

Mind you, this work started the same day as my first day back to (close-to) full-time, in-person work in over a year, the girls' first day of in-person school in over a year, and in the middle of allergy season. Because adding sawdust to the pollen is a great idea! <giggle> Got a bunch of masks available, though, so we're good. Silver linings.

I seem to have misplaced my Before photo, but just know that it's a darker and dingier off-white than the new floor. You can see bits of it here as they are trying to get it off the joists and the little bits of pressboard that were still hanging onto the joists. The guys were great at explaining the basics of construction and the hows and whys and wherefores of what they're doing. I imagine I'm not the savviest homeowner they've ever had, but I'm not the least savvy, either.

Then here is where they've gotten most of the linoleum up (and tools and a work boot). I had to go to work, but these guys are bonded and insured and I've spent most of the morning with them; they're decent, so it's all good.

I enjoyed interacting with these two people working on my floor and the one who runs the company; they are responsive, helpful, and informative. Also they never once gave the impression that they were tired of explaining things to this clueless homeowner, which is an awesome trait in a craftsperson!

When I got back from work, both kids were home from their respective first days back to in-person school, and full of stories about the first day - they each made friends (they've been in class with these people all year, but neither of them is great at connecting with people they don't already know online), Liz got to (do a simulation of) light a battery on fire, and it was all kind of great, although masking inside the house because workers and dust is a bit of an issue for us all. Temporary, though, so that's okay.

And this picture is what I came home to. 

Yes, a slab of plywood over the gaping hole in my kitchen floor, which is the next pic. After they took up the plywood Tuesday morning, this is what we could see - a rectangular hole with wooden support joists and pink insulation. Also yellowish insulation. And under the insulation is... cardboard. This is not a sturdy and safe floor, hence the project at hand. 

But back to Monday night; oh, well... hmm... I hadn't thought of the difficulty in cooking. I mean, I knew that the oven and stove would be off-limits (as well as the dishwasher), but I had assumed I would just use the toaster oven or the microwave for a few days. I hadn't considered the dust everywhere and the difficulty in getting to the microwave and the toaster oven, though. (Don't worry; the fridge was plugged in (in the dining room) so we were food safe... although we couldn't make ice).

There was quite a lot of takeout in our home this week. 

And then there were a number of short stages involving various levels of, well, leveling. They cut new plywood and put it down to fill up the holes. They put some cement stuff over that and let it cure overnight, then added thin sheets to level it, put more cement stuff over, and glued down the new linoleum (and put the trim back on the wall). And on the fourth day (that sounds very Genesis, but nothing so dramatic), they reconnected all our appliances, tested them to make sure they a) don't leak, and b) they function properly. 

All in all, it's a very good thing. The only casualties were a single broken egg (while moving the fridge) and a single broken plate (the plastic cup Lizzy pitched into the sink from the other side of the kitchen to avoid the drying floor should not have broken a plate in the said sink!). And possibly to our arteries and pocketbook due to all the takeout. Oh, we tried to get "good" takeout - it was mostly not fried crap - but also not home-cooked fresh food. 

These are acceptable losses. And none of them was their fault in any case.

But regardless, Handy Friend, LLC is an awesome company with awesome people who do awesome work. And that's the important thing.

Yes, You Are Part of the Problem. So am I.

A cartoon of me, a chubby brunette-and-grey
woman wearing blue, with an angry
expression and her right hand up near her
forehead. There is a thermometer shaded
green to red, with the top broken and the 
caption "I've had it up to here."

I have a few things to say here, and I’m not sorry. This stuff is really bugging me; the cognitive dissonance is strong (and I don’t know why it’s not the same for those of you for whom this applies). Holding such starkly opposing views so strongly should cause cognitive dissonance... and if it doesn’t, there’s some work you need to do. There are a lot more examples than just those listed here, and I’m sorry if I missed yours, but writing all these out is depressing.

Note: all scare quotes in this piece are deliberate. They indicate terms that are not in fact anything like what they say they are.

• If you are “pro-life” but not pro-helping people and their parents out after they’re born, then you are part of the problem. And not really pro-life. And probably a racist, as many of you claim the incidence is higher in “those kinds of people.”

• If you have a problem with “those kinds (poor) of people having nice things,” then you are part of the problem. And most likely a racist, since most of you claim that there are zillions of “welfare queens” who are usually unemployed, inner-city, single, Black moms pumping out kid after kid for more benefits. This is not true.

• If you are “pro-life” but also anti-immigration (especially refugees), then you are part of the problem. And not really pro-life. And probably a racist, as you usually have no problem with folks immigrating from Northern European countries.

• If you’re “pro-life” and also pro-gun to the extent that we do it in the so-called “United” States of America, then you are part of the problem. And - again - not really pro-life.

• If the first thing out of your mouth when yet another Black person is killed by police is “they should have complied” or “they shouldn’t have been there,” then you are part of the problem. And a racist.

• If the first thing out of your mouth when yet another mass shooting occurs is to defend the (usually white) shooter, then you are part of the problem. And a racist.

• If your urge is to decry violence toward property by people of color and the people supporting them, but excuse violence toward people by white people because they were “confused” or “bullied” or “involuntarily celibate,” then you are part of the problem. And a racist. And also someone with seriously skewed priorities.

• If you think you can’t be a racist or a bigot because you have friends or family or coworkers who are a different color or religion or culture than you are, then you are part of the problem. And, in spite of your assertion, a racist and a bigot.

• If you think transgender women are really just “men in drag so they can peep at women in locker rooms,” then you are part of the problem. And a transphobe, though there should be a better word for this because you aren’t scared, you’re uncomfortable. And quite possibly the pervert you are accusing them of being.

• If you think that girl-on-girl is hot, but men having public displays of affection is disgusting, then you are part of the problem. And a homophobe (see transphobe, above). And a hypocrite.

• If you think transgender people are “only really trans” after they have had “the surgery,” then you are part of the problem. And misinformed, or deliberately remaining ignorant. Or both.

• If you think that masking up and respecting social distance is a violation of your God-given rights, then you are part of the problem. And misinformed about government and public health, or deliberately remaining ignorant. Or both.

• If you think your business is more important than other people’s ability to continue breathing in and out, then you are part of the problem. And a bad citizen.

• If you are unwilling to vaccinate because “it has a 99.xx% survival rate,” then you are part of the problem. And misinformed that the survival rate is the only number that matters, or deliberately remaining ignorant. Or both.

• If you would “do anything” to get your kids back in a physical classroom during a pandemic… except have them tested for Covid-19 or abide by social distancing rules, then you are part of the problem. And a hypocrite. And a bad example.

• If you are a purist about every last word in a meme or an article and feel the need to point out the minutiae and play devil’s advocate, then you are part of the problem. And a jerk.

I did the last one on this list myself, within the last twelve hours. I’m not immune. But I’m honest enough with myself to own it when it’s pointed out to me.

Are you?

Pandemic Purchases, One Year Later

Still loving Shipt, the best grocery delivery I've tried. They are friendly, courteous, and go above and beyond the call of duty (last week one of my favorite Shipt shoppers felt that it might be difficult to find narrow green ribbon at the grocery store, so she brought some from home and cut off a length of it for me; now THAT is great customer service!).

Still loving FUNimation Now. We keep finding new ones to watch, old ones to watch with English subtitles or dubbing, depending on which one we watched the first time around, and Abby even got interested enough that she downloaded Duolingo so she could learn to follow more of the Japanese. 

Still loving the other companies listed in the links above, as well as a couple of the fancier grocery stores in my area, Ben Franklin Crafts (we have a couple nearby-ish, and they are very good about Covid rules), Readi Spaghetti takeout, and our county roads, which have been getting a workout as Liz & I take a drive (sometimes to a Ben Franklin)  about once a week.

And the sheer volume of LEGO and KiwiCo products we currently have in the house is... impressive, to say the least. In this photo, we have representatives from several sets - there's a Fire Dragon, a Tyrannosaurus Rex, a Sabertooth Lion, a Drone, a Space Miner, a Green Alien with Crystals, the Dragon's Treasure, several Rib Bones, and a Tiny Vulture. They're posed for this photo, but they normally live on our STEAM counter with a bunch of fun projects from KiwiCo, like the pinball machine, ukelele, and printing press... all of which Lizzy assembled herself.

Then?

Well, then there's Etsy, with its plethora of handmade products. I have a couple of favorites in the face mask area of this, as well as in other categories. But this is about pandemic-purchases, so masks it is!

The first is Freethoughtify. I got routed there looking for Star Trek-themed masks, but there is also a lot of political content I believe in, like BLM and other social justice issues. Great messages! I got the two masks I bought from them today - one is a DS9-era mask in Sciences Blue that says, "Boldly Go 6 Feet Away" and the other is a plain black mask with the legend, "I'm vaccinated and still wearing this." 

This brings me to Hookytown, my other favorite mask-maker. This one is local, a friend of mine IRL, and she makes some awesome masks with some very cool features. I bought two different styles - the 3D and the fitted, and both of them fit the round faces we have at ChezGamersBabes really well. They even fit easily over my work-required surgical masks, which is nice, and come in several dozen different fabrics. My favorite thing about them is the heavy-duty nose "wire" because these masks are not going anywhere!

Please note: nothing on Etsy is considered medical-grade; these are more for decoration over a standard surgical mask, and that's totally okay with me. I have to wear the surgical ones at work anyway, so these dress up the boring blue-or-black-or-white with fun (but work-appropriate!) gear.

So, yeah, there are a few glimpses of Good Things, even with all the crap that's out there. But then I'm Jenn, Queen of (Eventually) Finding Silver Linings.