Casting From Hit Points

I'm tired.

I know you hate it when I say that. "The solution is simple," you say, condescendingly, "Just eat better/use this remedy/sleep more."

Come on. I know you know I'm not stupid. I have tried All the Things. I take melatonin, I'm under both a doctor's care and a therapist's, and when I am able to sleep more I'm told I'm lazy/depressed.

I'm being treated for depression, too, in several different ways.

Thing is, fatigue is a symptom - at least in my case - not a Thing in and of itself.

Are you familiar with the Spoon Theory? It's a metaphor used regarding disability and chronic illness and sometimes neurodiversity, to describe that each person only has so much energy to spend in a given day, and was coined in 2003.

Gamer folks were using something similar for about 20 years before that, but the Spoon Theory is a more mainstream way to describe, understood by more people, and generally awesome. Even Muggles grok it, so to speak.

So, my Gamer and Spoonie friends, bear with me while I translate from Gamer to English.

Most games that have health and magic/intellect/tech systems have points or slots or hearts or little blue potions or whatever to describe these things. 

In some of these games, as well as in the Spoon Theory, when you run out of Spoons/Magic Points, you have to rest before you can do anything else. In classic AD&D, this means eight unbroken hours of sleep. Which I rarely get, because I'm an anxious single mom with, y'know... stress.

In (my) real life, this means that when I run out of Magic Points, I start casting spells from my Hit Points... in other words, my physical health takes a hit. 

Other things can affect these, of course, and it shows how stress is a huge part of our lives.

Example: Say you start the day with 20 HP and 20 MP.

• You are at -1 MP because it's winter and the sun lamp only does so much.
• You are at -1 MP because you're fighting a cold.
• You are at -3 MP because you're worried about your friends and family 
• You are at -2 MP for holiday stresses of money/gifts/time
• You are at -3 MP because your government is being an asshat

See, now you're still at 20 HP, but you start the day at  only10MP

• You use 1MP to make your contribution to the work potluck
• You use 1 MP to take a shower and get ready to go
• You use 1MP to work on a project
• You use 1MP to mediate a dispute
• You use 1 MP to deal with the daily news

Now you're down to five MP and you haven't even worked your shift yet. Got one back because the coworkers loved the meat pies!

Awesome... six left for the whole rest of the day, including work, dinner, music lessons, homework, and getting stuff ready for tomorrow. After all that, assuming no arguments between the kids, or bad traffic, or whatever, you have one MP left at bedtime. If you do have to deal with traffic or what-have-you, you run out.

But it's not bedtime yet, and you can't just drop into bed and leave stuff undone or you start at an MP deficit tomorrow. So you start (roll credits for the title drop) casting from hit points.

So you lose against the cold you're fighting. Or you get a migraine. Or you can't deal, there are potato chip bags stuck in all the machines, and you have a total meltdown.

This is how stress makes one physically ill... in GamerSpeak.

Another Year, Another Milestone

I'm fully aware that Abby won't be 17 (seventeen?!) until Tuesday at around 2:30 PM (pacific time). But we had a bit of a party today at my mom's with my sister and niece, and we're having dinner later this week - probably Thursday.

Because on Abby's actual birthday, Tuesday?

Yeah, she has a callback audition for an ensemble/dance role in our local community theater's production of Mamma Mia! that day. This isn't our usual favorite children's theater Studio East, though there's a lot of overlap of people and places, so if she gets in, it'll be her first role in 'grown-up' theater.

But before that? In a little under an hour?

Yeah, she's taking her driver's test. The teachers say she's ready, she passed the written test and her supervised drives with the teachers no problem, so...

This week is hard on Mama's nerves.

Seventeen. Driving. Community Theater.

Yeesh.

Sometimes It’s That Important

Please note the below message... 👇🏽
(P.S. I did not write this, however, it nailed my beliefs so I thought I would share)

I'm a liberal, but that doesn't mean what a lot of you apparently think it does.

Let's break it down, shall we? Because quite frankly, I'm getting a little tired of being told what I believe and what I stand for.

Spoiler alert: Not every liberal is the same, though the majority of liberals I know think along roughly these same lines:

1. I believe a country should take care of its weakest members. A country cannot call itself civilized when its children, disabled, sick, and elderly are neglected. Period.

2. I believe healthcare is a right, not a privilege. Somehow that's interpreted as "I believe Obamacare is the end-all, be-all." This is not the case. I'm fully aware that the ACA has problems, that a national healthcare system would require everyone to chip in, and that it's impossible to create one that is devoid of flaws, but I have yet to hear an argument against it that makes "let people die because they can't afford healthcare" a better alternative. I believe healthcare should be far cheaper than it is, and that everyone should have access to it. And no, I'm not opposed to paying higher taxes in the name of making that happen.

3. I believe education should be affordable and accessible to everyone. It doesn't necessarily have to be free (though it works in other countries so I'm mystified as to why it can't work in the US), but at the end of the day, there is no excuse for students graduating college saddled with five- or six-figure debt.

4. I don't believe your money should be taken from you and given to people who don't want to work. I have literally never encountered anyone who believes this. Ever. I just have a massive moral problem with a society where a handful of people can possess the majority of the wealth while there are people literally starving to death, freezing to death, or dying because they can't afford to go to the doctor. Fair wages, lower housing costs, universal healthcare, affordable education, and the wealthy actually paying their share would go a long way toward alleviating this. Somehow believing that makes me a communist.

5. I don't throw around "I'm willing to pay higher taxes" lightly. If I'm suggesting something that involves paying more, well, it's because I'm fine with paying my share as long as it's actually going to something besides lining corporate pockets or bombing other countries while Americans die without healthcare.

6. I believe companies should be required to pay their employees a decent, livable wage. Somehow this is always interpreted as me wanting burger flippers to be able to afford a penthouse apartment and a Mercedes. What it actually means is that no one should have to work three full-time jobs just to keep their head above water. Restaurant servers should not have to rely on tips, multibillion-dollar companies should not have employees on food stamps, workers shouldn't have to work themselves into the ground just to barely make ends meet, and minimum wage should be enough for someone to work 40 hours and live.

7. I am not anti-Christian. I have no desire to stop Christians from being Christians, to close churches, to ban the Bible, to forbid prayer in school, etc. (BTW, prayer in school is NOT illegal; *compulsory* prayer in school is - and should be - illegal). All I ask is that Christians recognize *my* right to live according to *my* beliefs. When I get pissed off that a politician is trying to legislate Scripture into law, I'm not "offended by Christianity" -- I'm offended that you're trying to force me to live by your religion's rules. You know how you get really upset at the thought of Muslims imposing Sharia law on you? That's how I feel about Christians trying to impose biblical law on me. Be a Christian. Do your thing. Just don't force it on me or mine.

8. I don't believe LGBT people should have more rights than you. I just believe they should have the *same* rights as you.

9. I don't believe undocumented immigrants should come to America and have the world at their feet, especially since THIS ISN'T WHAT THEY DO (spoiler: undocumented immigrants are ineligible for all those programs they're supposed to be abusing, and if they're "stealing" your job it's because your employer is hiring illegally). I'm not opposed to deporting people who are here illegally, (my, Ed’s opinion is only if they commit a violent crime) but I believe there are far more humane ways to handle undocumented immigration than our current practices (i.e., detaining children, splitting up families, ending DACA, etc).

10. I don't believe the government should regulate everything, but since greed is such a driving force in our country, we NEED regulations to prevent cut corners, environmental destruction, tainted food/water, unsafe materials in consumable goods or medical equipment, etc. It's not that I want the government's hands in everything -- I just don't trust people trying to make money to ensure that their products/practices/etc. are actually SAFE. Is the government devoid of shadiness? Of course not. But with those regulations in place, consumers have recourse if they're harmed and companies are liable for medical bills, environmental cleanup, etc. Just kind of seems like common sense when the alternative to government regulation is letting companies bring their bottom line into the equation.

11. I believe our current administration is fascist. Not because I dislike them or because I can’t get over an election, but because I've spent too many years reading and learning about the Third Reich to miss the similarities. Not because any administration I dislike must be Nazis, but because things are actually mirroring authoritarian and fascist regimes of the past.

12. I believe the systemic racism and misogyny in our society is much worse than many people think, and desperately needs to be addressed. Which means those with privilege -- white, straight, male, economic, etc. -- need to start listening, even if you don't like what you're hearing, so we can start dismantling everything that's causing people to be marginalized.

13. I am not interested in coming after your blessed guns, nor is anyone serving in government. What I am interested in is sensible policies, including background checks, that just MIGHT save one person’s, perhaps a toddler’s, life by the hand of someone who should not have a gun. (Got another opinion? Put it on your page, not mine).

14. I believe in so-called political correctness. I prefer to think it’s social politeness. If I call you Chuck and you say you prefer to be called Charles I’ll call you Charles. It’s the polite thing to do. Not because everyone is a delicate snowflake, but because as Maya Angelou put it, when we know better, we do better. When someone tells you that a term or phrase is more accurate/less hurtful than the one you're using, you now know better. So why not do better? How does it hurt you to NOT hurt another person?

15. I believe in funding sustainable energy, including offering education to people currently working in coal or oil so they can change jobs. There are too many sustainable options available for us to continue with coal and oil. Sorry, billionaires. Maybe try investing in something else.

16. I believe that women should not be treated as a separate class of human. They should be paid the same as men who do the same work, should have the same rights as men and should be free from abuse. Why on earth shouldn’t they be?

I think that about covers it. Bottom line is that I'm a liberal because I think we should take care of each other. That doesn't mean you should work 80 hours a week so your lazy neighbor can get all your money. It just means I don't believe there is any scenario in which preventable suffering is an acceptable outcome as long as money is saved.

Copy & paste if you want. I did. Author unknown.

Oh the Thinks!

What time is it? Adventure Time.

Not really.

I mean, yes it is Adventure Time, but it's not that adventure time. Although that adventure is fully as weird as this one.

But here, have a lovely little verse with only a few scansion-limps to annoy you. Because I love you all and I want to make you happy. And this play can do that - happy, sad, silly, mad - all the feelings.

So here goes...

Will she sing songs in the bath?
Will she sing them doing math?
Will she sing along the path?
Will she while she's feeling wrath?

If you know - or have ever even met - Abby, you know she will indeed.

Would she dance all by herself?
Would she dance up on the shelf?
Would she could she with an elf?
Would she on the way to Delph?

Again, I say thee "duh!"

Will she act with other folks?
Will she laugh and make great jokes?
Will she work until she chokes?
Will she - is it just a hoax?

You know it's not a hoax.

She'd like (with friends) to show to you,
The land known as Solla Sollew,
How hard it is to get there, too,
Come see them show it, yes, please do.

At...

The place where Abby often plays,
She trains until her eyes both glaze,
And works and spends her summer days,
Because it isn't just a phase.

Yes, this place:

The Studio is where it's at,
With the Cat in his tall Hat,
From seven-ish on ten-eighteen,
On weekends near to Halloween.

The last show's on one sad Sunday,
November third, I'm loath to say,
Two-thirty, then it's time to go,
And start upon another show.

This is the life of actor sorts,
These folk who do their dance as sports,
Oh, by the way, Miss Abby-mine,
Is in Cast B, and doing fine.

And now I fear it's time I quit,
I leave you with this little bit:
Just tap the link and buy a ticket,
Do it now; it's time to click it.

Thank you.

And I'm sorry.

I'm so, so sorry...

And with that, I now want to write a Doctor Who crossover fanfic with Seuss. Can you imagine?

The Bare Necessities...

...or Piano Basics for the Recalcitrant Preteen

Okay, so Lizzy’s piano teacher (shout out to Michelle C at 4/4 Music) is awesome. She’s written her own beginning piano books, teaches piano and voice, and is an all-around Patient Human Being.

Which you have to be when teaching Lizzy.

Don't get me wrong; Lizzy is a great kid. She is kind, generous, empathetic, and super smart. She's also adolescent, know-it-all, lazy, and often puts the ass is Asperger's (though these days it's called Autism Spectrum Disorder Level One: Minimal Support Required, because Hans Asperger was a Nazi).

Some of her issues with piano are related to autism - like her inability to cope with the fact that 6/8 and 3/4 are not the same thing in music notation as they are in math - and some (probably most) are just Being Almost Twelve and Snarky With It. She has also recently had the Growth Spurt That Ate Seattle - a whole new wardrobe including shoes and all in the last three months (thanks, Kirkland Grandparents, for helping with that!)

These are not excuses for her lazy attitude toward practicing, but they are likely contributing factors; they certainly were for me at her age. She gets bored with songs she doesn't already know, and doesn't seem to grok the need for exercises like etudes or "baby songs" as building blocks (she does seem to grok scales, arpeggios, and chords as building blocks, but that's a different post, I suspect. Or maybe a paper for a pediatric neuropsychologist).

In any case, she's willing enough to do her scales and all that, but she seems to dislike most songs she doesn't know, and I was getting frustrated. She doesn't have a lesson next week as her teacher will be out, or the week following because it's her twelfth birthday and I can't see her being able to cope with the first day of middle school, her birthday, dinner, and a music lesson in the same day. We use her makeup days for Abby's voice lessons over and above the ones her dad bought her for her birthday (whenever we can squeeze them in) so there's no loss there.

So I was discussing with Awesome Teacher Michelle C, and she said that there are in fact beginner books for piano for Disney or anime, or current pop songs, whatever Lizzy might be interested in. And I thought, hey, her is birthday coming up, and her Amazon wishlist needs more updating in addition to what we did this afternoon, so...

So, any ideas, Internet Hive Mind? Aside from Goodnight My Someone, I suspect, (if it's in a manageable key) because I know that one is a beginning piano song... it's right there in the play... any particularly good (easy/beginner; she knows three major keys as of yet) piano books in the animation, current pop, or musical theater categories?

Old Home Week

Names and Places have been changed to protect the innocent.

Not that there's any need, really, but it was odd, this week was.

Monday night we had a friend - one of my friends, for a change, rather than one of the kids' friends - over for dinner. It was nice; Abby made her usual Pantry Chow Mein, but a gluten-free version for this friend. Now, I've known this woman - we'll call her Issy - for maybe ten years; I think Lizzy was a toddler when we met. She's the fiancee of a dear friend of Laston's, she now lives in Eastern Washington, but she was over this side for some family stuff. So she came to dinner. And we're talking about an incident from Laston's memorial, when my mom saw Issy's fiance in the grocery store before the homegrown memorial, and he looked so much like Laston to her that when he walked up my garden path later that afternoon, she seriously thought for a split second that we were being haunted. 

So Issy and I were talking about this and laughing a little - the way you do when it's simultaneously hilarious and sad - and she mentioned that my mom always looked familiar to her. We keep chatting about growing up in the area and it comes out that of course my mom looked familiar, and not just because we look like family, but because Issy was in and out of our house and we hers all the time thirty-to-thirty-five years ago. She and my sister were in the same 4-H group or troop or whatever they call it in 4-H, and so I knew her back then, because although I was not part of the group, I was Chief Hair Braider for the girls in it.

Wow. 

And then today, after all the usual scolding from my therapist about taking care of myself during the week leading up to the anniversary of Laston's death and the back-to-school rush, I took myself out to lunch. Lizzy's at Grandma's, Abby's at YAPI, and as I had to bring Abby's forgotten lunch to her anyway, and I was out, I went to eat something I don't usually get when Miss Picky and Miss Allergic are with me.

The server was very nice, and it was late for lunch - about two in the afternoon - so she wasn't busy. As I was headed out the door, the server - we'll call her Bea - rushed to hug a customer coming up to the door. I smiled and asked if he was a regular, and she said, "Oh, I've been taking care of him at my jobs for almost a decade, even when I worked down at Restaurant X."

Wait. 

"You worked at Restaurant X? And your name is Bea? Did you maybe know my husband? Laston Kirkland?"

"Yeah, I was just wondering why I hadn't seen him for a while - he was the guy with the science fiction book, right?"

Right.

Wow again.

I knew the Seattle area was a trifle incestuous in the Tech Work sense. 

But this was two incidents spanning three days. Not even including the lady who gave me a manicure being so pleased I came in again because she wanted me to practice her English on.

Wow.