Nothing Ever Changes...

A bitmoji cartoon of a hand emerging
from a blue sleeve and giving a thumbs-up

...until it does.

The basics of the world I live in are the same. Fantastic creators who do terrible things, half of my country voting for the awful folks, the other half not stopping it because of... I dunno for sure, but I suspect it was that perfection is the enemy of progress, the horrible week I had last week (nothing really happened that was bad, but it was just an exhausting week - the death of a thousand papercuts), and then we came to my first therapy session of the year.

Which is on Mondays now instead of Tuesdays, and that's a change. I got used to Tuesdays. But my therapist is a human too, and she needed to change it away from Tuesdays. She gave me plenty of lead time, so that was fine, although I had to keep reminding myself that it wasn't Tuesday.

And then she dropped a bomb on me. "Okay, Jenn," she said, "Abby is basically an adult now, since she is legally one, living away at school. Lizzy's not but she is much less childlike and dependent than she used to be (editor's note: Lizzy is 17, a junior in high school, and a pretty capable kid, especially now that she's in a school situation that she likes). Now is probably a good time to start thinking about what you want to do with yourself once they're grown."

Well, shit, that's a lot to think about. I mean, she's right, of course, but still.

So let's just break it down. What do I want to do with my life (she asks herself, at 56)?

I need to get more work (my job with the school district is one I love, but it's part-time); a good third of my household's income vanishes when Lizzy graduates high school (if not before, given the political situation, but that may be pure cynicism on my part). I have a list of things I want to do to my house (I own a mobile home and rent the land) from replacing an outdoor faucet and some flooring and appliances to getting the inside painted and having blinds professionally installed. I would like to travel some (although that is something I'd like to do with Lizzy as well... and my therapist said that this exercise isn't meant to exclude the kids; it's just what I want to do when neither of them needs so much hands-on parenting).

I said that I'd been thinking about pursuing an actual up-to-date diagnosis of whatever it is that was classed as "hyperactive with learning disabilities and short-term memory/sequencing deficits" (or something like that) in the early 1980s. Lizzy calls it "Mom's half an autism diagnosis" and she's not really wrong; when you look at hers (2017) and mine side-by-side they are nearly identical. The problem with that - at my age - is that it doesn't really get me anything. If I were still a kid it could get me some official accommodations in school and even as it is, "learning disabled" counts as an ADA thing for the purposes of higher education. 

Assessments as an adult are very seldom covered by insurance, and goodness knows I have decades of coping mechanisms that serve me in good stead so I don't really need things like ADHD meds. So basically, to look into this in depth would be a prohibitive out-of-pocket cost with no real gain but a piece of paper from a neurologist saying that I have what I already have. Seems silly. So I probably won't be doing that unless there's a phenomenal influx of cash and I can do it just for fun. 

My main goals end up being to "get better pay, improve the house, and travel." That seems pretty good.

As Usual...

A bitmoji cartoon of a fair-skinned
brunette-with-blue woman waving
at the camera, with the caption "HELLO"

Yes, as usual, where usual means for the past five New Years (including today). No resolutions, not even goals. Just a phrase, or a single word, or maybe not even that. But definitely not the resolutions or goals. Check the side links if you want to see them.

I happened to have a therapy session today, and she asked me, "If you could sum up the year as a book with chapters and a summary, tell me what it would be called."

Okay, I like to write, so I can take a stab at this. 

The book is called Rolling with the Punches: The Sequel (because the first book in the imaginary series covered 2016; check out the links on the side for details). The back cover blurb says, "One woman's take on a tough year of injury, uncivil countrypeople, and internet wackadoodles," and I'm sure there are glowing reviews from other authors who like my informal, conversational style and my rants against Grammarly.

The book is broken into five chapters. Winter Blues  (January 1-March 29), No Spring in My Step (March 30-May 28), Laid-Up Summer (May 29-August 9), Frantic Fall (August 10-November 6), and The Story Continues (November 7-December 31). The overarching theme throughout is rolling with the punches, and each chapter has a separate sub-theme indicated in the chapter title... seasonal affective disorder, knee injury at SakuraCon, surgery and recovery, getting kiddos ready for the new school year and me ready to go back to work (since Abby went away to school for the first time; she did her associates degree at our local community college), and all the effort, dread and hope involved in getting Lizzy to a school where she thrives... and my country into a very scary place for people I love. That last chapter would be as frantic as (and more upsetting than) the one before it if it weren't for me going Facebook Lite. 

I even dropped about two hours a day of phone use since I removed FB from my phone and I only access it from my desktop computer. And the only drawbacks I've noticed (I can't access the neighborhood page I admin or photos I haven't kept on my phone) are far outweighed by the lessened stress.

Random Thoughts, December 2024

I'm still going Facebook Lite, though it's been refined somewhat: I took it off my phone but I still have it on my computer. This means that when it's not a workday I'm on a lot more often, but I'm also still curating my feed. I follow a lot fewer public figures than before because I can't tolerate all the hate-follower types. I still get plenty of the jerks who think that Trek/comics/Who/insert-fandom is "suddenly woke" and who assume their opinion is law, but it's a lot easier to ignore those when you're no longer also dealing with the haters on every. single. post.

Regarding the UHC CEO who was killed. Mostly the theories I see are that a) it was a professional hit or b) the shooter lost someone important to them because of denial of benefits. I find it hard to care, in a schadenfreude sort of way. I know some people who are absolutely delighted, but I am not. EDIT, because I was not clear: This is in part because I feel bad for his family and I'm kind of appalled that it has come to this. The other part is because I simply don't have that much energy to spare, especially during Hibernation Season. The most interesting theory I have heard is that the shooter himself is terminal due to denied claims and therefore has nothing to lose. I prefer this sort of thing in episodes of Leverage, myself.

Yesterday was a lot of fun. Lizzy and I drove/ferried over to Whidbey Island to meet my dad and stepmom for brunch and a holiday concert. The brunch was excellent, and the concert was fun, especially during the singalong portions. The fact that I know the cello part and the alto voice part of the Hallelujah Chorus makes for a bit of confusion though. After the concert, as we were halfway up Whidbey Island anyway, the plan was to drive north and take the bridge across to see the holiday light display at the Tulalip Casino Resort. My GPS desperately wanted us not to do this (because of a four-minute slowdown on I-5 southbound) and kept routing us down to the ferry dock in the south end, but in the end, I prevailed.

A very small sample of
holiday lights at Tulalip

We found out toward the end of that drive that the slowdown was actually because of the holiday lights; a lot of them can be seen from the freeway. Silly GPS. We had fun; it was a very nice day/evening. I'm a little sore, in a second-day-of-ski-season way, but I walked more than three miles. The last time I did that was actually at the SakuraCon that triggered my torn meniscus, so I feel pretty good about my improvement there. I'm sure my physical therapist will be pleased!

I forgot how big Whidbey Island is!

Abby should be home for the holidays late this week, so that will be nice. We will have to wait until after her birthday though. 😞  But everything is ready!

The Aftermath of the 2024 US Election, and Some Personal Changes

A picture of the Morton Salt Girl, with the caption, "Sometimes I'm just a salty bitch."

I'm sure that most of my regular readers are unsurprised by this, but I am deeply, deeply disappointed in some of - many of - my countrypeople. I mean, some of it is not surprising; I don't expect compassion for others or equitable treatment for those unlike them from the kinds of people who decry other folks for... well, for existing. Those sorts of people don't get much understanding from me; at most, I feel sad for their children and pity (which for me is a close cousin of contempt) for them.

The people I'm disappointed in come in two flavors: the ones whom I have actually witnessed being reasonable human beings/good parents/basically kind people... but who still voted for TFG and some of whom are now gloating loudly and relentlessly. That's the first kind, and I honestly don't care if they voted that way because they're afraid of drag queens, think viruses and climate change are hoaxes, or somehow think that the price of gas and groceries is more important than other people. That many of them profess to belong to a faith system that puts Love Everybody above all else is just piss icing on their shit cake.

The other type of voters who have caused me great disappointment are those on the other side, the kind who are so busy chasing after The Perfect Candidate™ that they let that make their voting choices for them. Perfection is the enemy of progress. In this case, perfection is the enemy of not jumping off the slippery slope. I recognize what this kind of voter is trying to do, but it has demonstrably not worked for a couple of decades now, at least here in the US.

In any case, there's my piece, I've said it, and it took me this long - I'm writing this 10 days after Election Day - to get up the energy to do so. In the interest of not burning out entirely (I have children to raise, other children to transport, bills to pay, Lizzy's bead art to market, and gig work to find, never mind holidays to plan for and dopamine to store, given that it's Hibernation Season and there's All That Out There™ to plan ahead for), and have gone low-contact on Facebook. 

For me, this is a big deal; I've been on Facebook for over fifteen years, but I am struggling to cope because by the very nature of social media (especially the big ones), the constant blast of information is relentless. "Like drinking from a fire hose," as they say. So I'm checking in there a couple times a day (deleted it from my phone but I check on my computer), a bit more today as I'm using that time to curate my feed so it's not completely overwhelming, and mostly just lying low. I understand a lot of the very well-meaning Wear This to Show Support trends (which I find performative) and the We Must Mobilize Now trends (for which I am still saving up energy), but at the moment I am emotionally unable to engage in all that. 

I was never much for Twitter, and I canceled my account just as it was renamed to X, so that's not a problem for me. Since my kids are now in their late teens/early twenties, Babycenter is no longer a concern. Google Plus (and before it, Google Wave) is gone, so that's not an issue. Those were my big social media places (if you're not counting Compuserve and America Online), so... I'm mostly out.

My therapist will be proud, although she will be the first to tell me I don't need her approval.

I'm not deleting FB Messenger, though, so if you want to stay in touch, ping me there, and we can work something out.

The Anxiety is Real, Y'all

A Bitmoji cartoon of a woman hiding under bedcovers.
It is labeled CURRENT MOOD

I find The World Today™ to be trying at best.

In fact, I've been actively avoiding the news, regardless of platform, because it's so damn uncomfortable out there. Reading or watching or (god forbid) interacting with any serious social media right now is Not Fun™. I read synopses (rather than listen or watch speeches) by the most politically neutral services I can find, but there's still a lot of anxiety-producing rhetoric. Even some people I like and agree with have been muted for 30 days because I can't deal with the constant onslaught. There are many things that I feel I should be keeping careful track of, but I have to think about my own mental health as well, of course.

And my mental health is... hmm... I'm going with Eggshell Fine™, what with hibernation season (I'm a bear; all I want is salmon, berries, and sleep) and all that out there <waves vaguely at The World Today™> and all. Don't worry; that's why I have a therapist; she keeps me (or assists me in keeping myself) at eggshell fine or better.

When Abby visited home last week, she and I voted (Lizzy's not old enough yet, and we do mail-in ballots in my state). It was interesting because a) this is her first presidential election, and b) as a university student, she is a lot more aware of the issues than she used to be and can discuss them intelligently.

Now that that is out of the way, have a post about Mostly Not That™.

• Lizzy started at a new school today. She's been struggling for years, despite The Best IEP Team on the Planet™, because her learning style is not best served by standard public school methods (neither was mine, but this option wasn't available to me when I was a teen. Oh, it existed, but I don't think I would've qualified). This is the alternative high school in our district, and it's likely to be a much better fit. I have not heard anything about how that's going, but if it was uniformly awful, I'm sure I would've gotten a panicked text from her or an exasperated phone call from the school.
• UPDATE: Liz had a great day at school!

• Abby is performing in a student-directed play this coming weekend, and then I'm allowing Lizzy to spend the weekend with her sister (with the approval of Abby's dormmates, of course). And then on Sunday they get to take the train back here and decorate the house for Christmas before we take Abby back up on Monday (Monday being a holiday when none of us has school).

• After this weekend, the Chez GamersBabes focus will be on school for A & L, completing driving lessons for L, and finding supplementary work for me to do between my morning and afternoon routes/during holiday breaks. I've already got most of my holiday shopping out of the way, my bills are paid, and we've got this.

Onward!

Kids These Days*

*The title is to be read with an accompanying eyeroll and/or sarcastic sigh, at the reader's discretion

A bitmoji rendition of a fair-skinned, brunette-with-blue
ponytailed woman in back and blue-floral print,
looking at a smartphone askance.

I'm finding a number of random irritants here lately, in addition to the usual idiocracy and late-stage capitalism and f*ck the patriarchy suspects. One of these, as I have stated before, is that Grammarly needs to learn that my default writing style is casual and conversational, and now would be a good time to lay off the "want to sound more confident/professional?" suggestions, because the answer is no. No, I do not want to sound more confident, or more professional right now, and please take my word for it the first time I tell you in a given document, okay? Thanks.

There are others, of course.

Millennials are not children, for instance. Even allowing for the latest possible birth years across the variable definitions, these "kids" are now in their mid-to-late twenties. Allowing for the earliest commonly accepted birth years, they're in their early forties. Also, they never asked for the participation trophies; the elder generations thought it would be good for their self-esteem. Stop denigrating them as entitled special snowflakes when they just lived up to the expectations given to them.

The same goes for later generations as well. Is it a little sad that many GenZ folks only know enough cursive to sign their names or can't read an analog clock or need to take "adulting" classes? Sure. Lost skills are often sad, though there was certainly a resurgence in things like baking and crochet during the height of covid. But a) many of those things are not that important right now, and b) again, who neglected to teach them these skills? That's right, the same people who unkindly make fun of them for not knowing what to do with a rotary-dial phone. 

I don't know enough GenAlpha kiddos (and these ones are literally children as I write this in 2024) to have an opinion on their slang and skills and so forth, but I have had more than one tell me I'm the "cool bus driver" because I know about Bluey and superheroes and Minecraft.

But don't worry; it's not only unkindness to younger generations than mine that irritates me. I'm an equal-opportunity leftie cranky GenX lady over here.

I have no patience for the people who support those who not only don't care about them as individuals (that's most politicians, to be honest) but who actively and vocally hate them. How do LGBTQIA+ folks or Mexican-Americans or people whose actual religion says to love everyone support the likes of you-know-who? I do not grok.

Why do some people think that people playing dress-up to read to littles are more dangerous than people who take rapid-fire weapons into public schools? I mean, I can only assume that they are the same folks who think that death from measles is preferable to autism, even though vaccines do not cause autism. These are also the people who talk over disabled people and heaven forbid a neurodivergent or LGBTQIA+ person or wheelchair user speak for themselves. That is evidently too scary. And they think we're the soft and fearful snowflakes.

And I keep seeing horror stories about parents tearing up English homework because they're "teaching about pronouns." As though pronouns haven't existed as long as language has. I have finally learned not to be a grammar notsee in public, but my patience is tried by such statements as "u dont see pronouns in the bibble." 

I'm pretty sure "I am he" contains two pronouns.

In linking older articles, I see that I have definitely touched on these topics before. But they're still out there annoying me, so here we are.